Not one day passes without me struggling to find a way out. Why, please save me I'm struggling to find a way out. All of this is a part of my inner most thoughts. Somedays my medicine is not able enough to keep me from insanity. How can I fix my emotional mess?
The only way I can try to fix this unbearable is one simple word that means so much a simple two syllable word , suicide. Passes through my mind almost like a small beautiful butterfly that has a yellowish tint with small blue dots all around the wings. What a beautiful creature that is so innocent, a flying careless insect that still has a role of what many would say is a critical part of are ecosystem, but yet it can be swiped away at a single passing of a hard, rough hand of a single larger being.
Honestly I worry a lot about my condition. I have talked with tons of therapists, and a couple of doctors. Each one telling me that I am ok, I am just exaggerating my emotions.
They don't know my story.
Yes I am just a teenager but I face higher situations than what I should. My mother, the creator of whom I am, wasn't a well educated woman. She loved to party before I was conceived. Drugs, alcohol, and much more caused me to be born. She was not ready for a child to be brought in to this world, but it was to late I was already on my way.
To this day I wonder why? She could have stopped a life so easily. Why was I born?
I highly believe that this is where my depression is coming from. I haven't helped with my situation unfortunately. I wanted to feel like I was with my mom. I started to experiment with marijuana. Till I realized that it was not strong enough. I moved to stronger drugs such as hydros and even percs.
So with that said I want you the reader to know that I am not better. Each day it progresses like no other. Almost as if it was a virus attacking my central nervous system.
It's hard to breath through all this pain. I have no idea where I want to go with my life.
My story hasn't been fully written as of now.
I am still fighting my pain, and trying to move past my pain.
I meet a girl luckily that I think I love and she drives me insane. Her smile is incredible and it pulls me in to a world that I can not explain. Each time I talk to her I feel safe and free to be myself. Sense I meet her my world has changed. If I could tell her in thing it have to be thank you for being able to Help Me.
