What bugs me
Is people who assume they know autism
They know someone with autism so they must know a lot
Well no
First awesome you know someone with autism that's amazing but that's the thing one person maybe two or three or more you know them no two people with autism are the same we all have different trades,abilities,skills and more
I've had people say i know someone with autism and they don't act like you
Exactly because we are two different people
I try telling people that but they know someone with it so they think we all act like that
When i was in primary school the school didn't think to ask kids with disabilities if they wanted to learn a instrument never even crossed there minds until i wanted to play the drums so i did every Friday on assembly for 2 years and loved it
When it came to high school it was just a straight up NO because they though i couldn't possibly do it because i had a disability there was a lot of things though primary and high school that we were not allowed to do that all the other kids did and it really pissed me off
They didn't want us doing work experience
They wouldn't let us sit for nap-plan at all
Treated us like little kids
I knew i was different from a young age i wasn't keeping up with others with school work my spelling was horrible and understanding everyday things was hard
I started getting bullied at grade 4 but from grade 5 until i left school in grade 10 my life was hell!
Bullied pretty much everyday and i would bottle up my feelings for months until i would snap and when that happened all the bully's acted like i was the horrible one when i was doing it as i found it was the only way to scare them off and leave me alone
I was older then everyone else in my grade as i got kept down a grade
I started puberty before most of them and i was never a skinny girl but when that hit me i got bigger which didn't help the bullying at all it made it worse i use to run home (i didn't live far from the primary school) because i needed to get away on one of the occasions i almost got hit by a car
People who said were my friends i believed them i would give them my lunch the money i had let them stay at my house give them lifts to places and would go hungry to help them but when i was getting bullied they would turn and bully me as well and then tell me they were sorry and i would believe them and forgive them time after time after time
I didn't understand what i had fully until i got to high school and by then i hated it
I wished i was never born with it
I would wonder why me
I just want to be "normal" and accepted
Melt downs kept happening and i was the one in trouble even though i would tell the school day after day after day what was happening but only i would get in trouble and get suspended were they got nothing when we sat in classes who ever had to sit next to me in front of me and behind me would move all their chairs and tables away saying eewwww and haha you have to sit next to the retard
So i would sit in class and wouldn't say a word wouldn't look around but i would still hear every nasty word that was said about me i even tried doing cross country one time and while doing it got rocks thrown at me and told to kill my self because i would hide my eyes with my hair i was called emo people would walk up to me grab my wrists and rub it saying wow you hid the cuts well emo
I would have people ask me why I'm retarded i would say I'm not i have autism they would answer back with yeah retarded
I hated my self so much and my disability i was extremely depressed and even had eating disorders and was even suicidal at some stages by the end of grade 10 i would sit in the toilets at school and text my mum she kept me sane she took on the school so many times for when i was bullied she knew i was reporting it all the time i stopped eating and was down to a size 8-10 but it wasn't healthy at all i couldn't eat in front of anyone as i felt i would be teased even more
I would give all my money to my "friends" as they told me they had no food
My mother and i agreed that the end of grade 10 i would not be going to school anymore so i had to get a job so i started at Mc Donald's and left school and met Michael then it got worse the people who i classed as friends stopped talking to me to them i was a ghost i had no friends so i had Mc Donald's again and again and again and put on so much weight that when i started work at Mc Donald's i was a size 12 when i finished just over a year of having the job i was a size 20-22 while working there made life hell i was yelled at all the time as i couldn't remember what was on every burger even after a year of working there i would be in the staff toilets crying i could hear members saying that Mc Donald's is scrapping the bucket if they are hiring retards which made me hate having autism more
Michael was my first good relationship all of the others were abusers and treated me like SHIT
Little by little i lost weight then i would put it back on and lose it again and back on for 4 years
I had teachers tell me all the time i will never achieve anything with my life because of my disability i use to believe them but slowly with the help of my family i slowly started not hating my autism and my self and as time went by i actually wouldn't want it any other way I'm proud to be autistic sure i have trouble understanding emotions and sarcasm and how others are feeling but i was ok with that
I Am Hayley And I'm Autistic And Proud
Autism doesn't have a look
I don't judge people to me even if your white, black, foren, fat, skinny, disabled, male, female, gay, transgender and well anything else you can think of
To me you aren't that to me well your just human like me and if you treat me with respect i shall do the same to you
Having autism hasn't wrecked my life in fact it's made it better it's made me see how much of a individual i am
Oh and yeah i have achieved many things like:
Getting my license
I volunteer as a carer for people with disability's
I share a rental
I have my own car
I found i have a passion for makeup and cosplay and photography
I pay my own bills,car payment, electricity and more
And As of the end of last year i started writing my own book on ASD and have become a guest speaker
So don't talk to me like I'm two when you find out I'm autistic
Don't tell me how sorry you feel for me and how brave i am
And how I'm too "pretty" to be autistic
They assume Michael must have it too then
No he doesn't
I sometimes don't know how he's still here putting up with me I've had some pretty bad melt/break downs in the last 5 years where i throw stuff, yell, swear, say nasty things that they know i don't mean and while all this is happening they hug me and tell me how much they love me and that they know i don't mean what I'm saying even if i try and break free they hug me tighter
I've only had one melt down this year and every year it lessens
Two years ago was my hardest year my parents broke up we had to sell the house that i lived in for 13 years i lost my dog and my beloved princess who was my world (cat) she passed right before we moved she was 18 years old
I lost friends and i lost family people who i thought i would never lose i found even the closest people in your life can hurt you
I'm sorry this is so long its taken me almost 2 hours to write this but I've wanted to for a long time
I hope i haven't hurt anyone or upset anyone
People ask me why i tell people I'm autistic well it's so they can understand me more like why i mite not look them in the face while they talk to me or while i talk to them
Why i can't stay still
Why i cant understand sarcasm or jokes
Why my anxiety is acting up or why I'm having a break down
So if you know someone with autism please remember we are as human as you are we have feelings, needs and dreams
Don't tell us what we can and can't do as we will prove to you we can do anything we set our minds too and remember no two are the same.
This story that i wrote changed my life after i posted it over 6 months ago it went viral through the autism community and that's when i started writing my book and doing guest speaking I'm always changing this even to this day as i accomplish more and more.
As i said i volunteer as a carer at a place called Flexi Care Inc which will hopefully turn into a job one day and only 3-4 years ago i was a client their my self
I have even started a local ASD group which is going amazingly as there was nothing in my town at all.
I have even started a Podcast with a good friend of mine who is also Autistic
And in October last year i had Gastric Sleeve Surgery
and i haven't looked back my arthritis was that bad i could hardly walk at all and as you read up more I've had trouble with my weight most my life my doctor told me i was a borderline diabetic at 21 from all the years i yoyoed and had eating disorders so that surgery gave me my health and life back its now been almost 6 months since i had the operation and I've lost almost 30kgs
I don't know if i put this in my story but 3-4 months after my amazing cat passed away i got a Pomeranian which is a breed i always wanted and i can say he is the most amazing dog since having him I've only had 1 yes 1 break down in 1 year and 2 months which is my best yet as i tried to lessen then each year.
And on the 03/04/16 i organized my first fundraiser ever and i only had 3 weeks to do it in and it went amazingly we raised over $800 for Autism Spectrum Australia (Aspect) and we will be doing it for years more.
-Hayley.
