Under The Influence Of You (Lesbian Story)

Chapter 11 - Words

Laura's POV

I knew how serious she was when her facial expression changed to something I hadn't seen in so very long. She was deadly serious this time, and I knew I had to respect that and discuss the one thing that hasn't left my mind ever since it happened.

"We can't keep doing this Laura" the painstaking words left her lips as daggers that stabbed me in thousands of places at once.

"What..? I don't.. I don't understand..?" I whispered, tears filling my eyes to the brim. "You mean break up?" I could barely speak.

Her eyes were full of regret and sadness, but she was ever so serious. "We weren't together, Laura." She smiled and expected this to make things better, but it was a thousand times worse. I tried to compose myself,  but a tear escaped and I turned away, getting up and taking my wine to the kitchen. I leant on the worktop, putting all my anger, sadness, regret.. Everything into the pressure I was putting on the island worktop. I took a deep breath, and went back to the lounge.

"Okay, Taylor. We weren't together. If we had been, would your decision have changed? Would that have even made a difference? I mean clearly you're regretting your choice" I looked her straight in the eye and moved closer, stood over her. "I see straight through you!" I shouted. I didn't mean to sound angry, but the look of fear on her face made me realise I had scared her.

"Laura..? My arm..." She sobbed, but tried to keep it together. I looked down at my hand and realised I had unconsciously grabbed onto her arm in anger.
"Oh my god.. I'm-" I couldn't speak. I just burst out crying, fell onto the couch beside her. I couldn't believe that I had just hurt her. The one person I wanted to protect, I had hurt. I thought she was doing the hurting, but it was me all along. I can't commit to anything, I want it all. But I can't have it all. I don't deserve it.

"Laura" Taylor's voice stopped me from thinking any more, and I felt worse as her hand caressed my back to comfort me.
"Why are you comforting me? I hurt you. If anything you should be running out of here and never looking at me the same again, and completely forgetting this whole thing happened and never talking to me again, and staying away from me and getting a restraining order or something and being angry at me and hating----" I was cut off by Taylor's lips connecting with mine. I was shocked at the sudden contact from the blonde. I was confused, my thoughts racing as my lips, for the first time I could recall, didn't even respond to the touch I would miss oh so much. And as she pulled away, it was like my heart shattered into millions of pieces.

"Calm down. It's not too bad, we're still friends after all..." Taylor's words were sharper than any dagger imaginable. How could simple words hurt so much?
"But.. It's not the same.. Tay.. I.." I couldn't bring myself to say anything worth hearing. There was nothing now that could make a difference to how Taylor felt, to how her heart longed for something, something that ultimately I couldn't give to her no matter how hard I tried. My heart ached at the thought of her with anyone else, but my happiness was her happiness, and so if she found refuge in somebody else's heart, and that made her happy, then surely I had to be happy for her and content with myself.

My thoughts were whizzing around in my head, leaving no room for common sense or any other thought aside from the woman stood in front of me at this heart-wrenching moment.
"I'm sorry Laura. I think it's for the best" she said, barely below a whisper. Her words were ice cold, stinging like a rope wrapping around my heart and squeezing until it disappeared.

That's what this moment felt like, and from that moment forward, as she left the room with a sympathetic look, I could truly say I knew that the feeling of a broken heart was literal.