Making these phan on-shots. Gonna see how it goes. Alrighty enjoy!-E
August 18th: I just got home. I don't understand, everything was fine, it was perfect actually. We had both finally found happiness, together. I'm so sorry this has happened. Oh my God I miss you Dan. Every ounce of me, every bone in my body, every thing about me misses you so much. You were always there for me and now that you're not, I don't know what to do. I just got back from your funeral. It was lovely. They made you look great, just not like I'd like to see you, with your smile that lit up a room, with your deep deep eyes that I knew so well and still got lost in them every time I looked at them. It was better than I last saw you last though, in the back seat of the taxi, your arm noticeably out of socket, your head violently crushed against the my seat and your car door with your blood gushing out, my legs crushed and broken against each other and the side of the door. Your dad showed up, I didn't speak to him, I didn't even look at him. I didn't actually speak to anyone really. I didn't move, not that moving is very easy for me right now as well considering both of my legs are broken. I physically attended but mentally, I was somewhere else. i couldn't stand it. Your family and friends made many failed attempts at comforting me. They talked about how great of a guy you were, which yeah you were a great guy, but I don't know why they didn't tell you when it mattered, when you were still here. Everyone said how much you'll be missed but it just infuriated me. They don't have the right to say they miss you, they didn't care about either of us until now, until you were gone.They didn't know you the way I know you, not only are you my boyfriend, you are my best friend, my everything. My mum is staying with me for a while. I refuse to come out of my room. I don't want to see anyone except you, but I can't. The dozens of hoodies, t-shirts, and sweat pants I stole from you over the years is all I wear anymore. It has been less than a week without you and I'm lost. I don't know what to do without you Dan, you were my world. If that idiot of a taxi driver would've paid more attention, maybe he wouldn't have driven in front of two moving cars and caused the collision. We would have gotten home safely and you'd still be here. But you aren't. You aren't here and the what-ifs don't matter. The would-have, could-have, should-have's don't matter. None of it matters and nothing I can do can change it, and it kills me. Being without you is slowly killing me. I'm going mad without you Dam. Mum keeps coming to my door and asking if I wanted a any thing to eat or something but I just choked back the tears and told her I wasn't hungry. Which I wasn't hungry, I don't want to eat, I don't want to talk, to sleep, think. Bloody hell I don't even want to breathe at this point. I don't want to go on without you Dan, but I'm going to try. I love and miss you bear. So much.
