Always.

Chapter 3

Me and Dylan drove in silence for at least 15 minutes. I spent most of the ride working up the courage and trying to figure out the right words to ask the question that had been tormenting me ever since I found out what Harry was doing at the house. I would be disappointed if I knew Dylan had done drugs, just because he knew Sam, and obviously I cant make decisions just from what Harry says.

"where are we?" I ask as I realise I don't recognise where we are. Im not yet an expert of La but I've become pretty used to the neighbourhood around UCLA, but this defiantly wasn't anywhere close to school. I had no idea where I was, we must have been driving a lot longer than I thought we had.

"it's a surprise." he says as his dorky smile reaches his cheeks. He turns off the car and clicks off his seatbelt. "come on" he gestures with his head as he steps out of the car. There is not much out here, Dylan parked the car on a gravel road, a few meters down is a dirt track leading into the woods.

"where not going in there are we?" I asked dreading the answer. I knew straight away by Dylan's wide eyed smile that we wouldn't be doing the usual tourist things people usually do when they first move to LA.

"lets go, we've got a big walk ahead of us" He walks in front of me onto the dirt path, he looks back just to make sure im following him, he smiles when he sees my annoyed expression. He stops and holds his arm out so I am walking in front of him.

"get that look off your face" he says as he places his hands on my shoulders "it want take that long" he laughs as he pushes my back slightly. A small smile escapes my lips.

"so are you feeling homesick yet?" Dylan asks as he picks up a stick from the ground and continues to walk with it.

I had been feeling homesick, all I've been wanting to do is pack up all my stuff and go back home.

"no not really. Not yet anyway." I say shaking my head. I don't want anyone to know that I cant manage on my own, that I will go crying back to mommy just because it gets tough. I wont.

Now was the perfect time, we were all alone in the woods, with no distractions. If I was ever going to ask, now was the perfect time.

"Dyl, can I ask you something?" I say. He looks back at me and rises his eyebrows with a small smile.

My confidence was lost by the sound of my phone ringing in my back pocket. "im surprised you're getting reception here" he says as he continues to walk. I look at the screen, the word 'MOM' appears in big letters, a small rush of panic enters my mind as I suck in my breath. I hold my pointer finger up to my lips telling Dylan to be quite, as I swipe my finger across the green line of my screen, answering the phone.

"Hey mum" I say trying my best to sound as normal as possible.

"hi darling, how was your first night?" she asks. I can tell by her tone, she is hoping I say it was dreadful and I want to come home.

"it was great, really good" I say nodding my head trying to convince both of us. I continue to walk while talking, just so I catch up to Dylan slightly.

"I made a call last night, and you don't need to worry about your dorm room any longer. We came to an arrangement and you wont be having a roommate. So that means more room for your stuff. Isn't that fantastic?" she says sounding proud of herself.

"you didn't have to do that mom" I say sounding ungrateful. I was looking forward to having a roommate, being like a normal college student.

"oh don't be silly, this is a much better option." she says. I nod my head sarcastically, I would never tell her that this wasn't what I wanted, she was the one paying for everything. I wasn't going to argue.

"Spence, hurry up" Dylan yells as he comes running towards me.

I help my finger up to my lips again and waving my arm up and down dramatically trying to get him to be quite, he looks at me confused as he walks slightly closer towards me.

"who was that?" not in a curious mother tone but In a 'tell me imminently' tone. The tone that scared the crap out of me.

"um, no one. It was no one. Mom I need to call you back there is really bad reception here. I love you" I say quickly as I hang up the phone before she had a chance to say anything, I know I will have a lot of explaining to do later, but I will deal with that later. I let out a sharp breath and a sigh of relief as I place my phone back in my pocket.

Dylan looks up at me with confused eyes. "no one?" he asks, his voice sounding more hurt than confused.

I shrug my shoulders trying to find the words to describe my own.

"you know how she gets?" I say shaking my head. I knew if I told my mom I was hanging out with Dylan I would be on the next flight home. I know it was wrong lying to mum, but I wasn't not going to see my brother, I just couldn't let her find out.

"she told you to stay away from me, didn't she?" he says as he runs his hands through his hair and looks up at me. Hi hand moves down to his arm and he rubs it uncomfortably . I stand opposite him nervously playing with my fingers. I don't say anything, obviously my expression is all the answer he needs.

"god she's a bitch" he says as anger fills his eyes. Dylan and my mother never got along, they were always at each others throats, it was hard. The two people you care most about in the world hating each other, it was awful. I look down at the ground, I know how Dylan gets when he talks about her, anger and sadness overtake him.

"why do you still let her push you around?" he almost yells, he was getting worked up. "she is nothing but a lonely old cow, who insists on making everyone else miserable just so she is not the only one" he adds. He is pacing up and down a few meters of the dirt road, his hands reaching his hair again.

"stop it Dylan" I say. I hated when he talks about my mom.

"why do you stand up for her? She treats you like shit!" he yells even louder and his breathing gets heavier. "She is a bitch Spencer. She is awful to you, why do you put up with that shit?" he asks as he walks closer to me, rubbing the sides of my arms.

"don't talk about her that way, you don't know her" I say as I jerk my arms out of his grip defensively. He looks taken back by my actions.

"she is the only one that has always been there for me, she is the only person in my life who has never left." once the words entered my head, I couldn't stop my mouth from blurting them out, they came out a lot louder than I had thought them to. I didn't notice the tear rolling down my cheek until it reached the end of my chin and rolled down my neck. I quickly whipped my cheek with the back of my palm hoping he didn't notice.

He down at me, confusion all over his face, he brought his hand to my arm again trying to soothe me. "what about me? You have me Spencer" He says as he rests his other hand on my left arm trying to pull me into a hug. I push back from his embrace. "where have you been the last couple of years?" I yell, I didn't want to say these words, my mouth has a mind of its own, and so did my eyes letting tears slip through and fall down my cheek. Before I knew what was happening, it was to late to stop. "you pissed off, just like everyone else. Just like d..." I yell but am cut off.

"don't. don't you dare compare me to dad" he says as his top half tenses at the thought of me thinking of him the way I think of our father. The way we both do.

"you left in the middle of the night, no goodbyes, no explanation, nothing. Just like him!" I almost scream as the tears forming in my eyes make it hard to speak.

"Spencer.." he starts, his eyes glassy, I know he doesn't deserve this. He is nothing like Dad, it just feels good after all these years to finally scream at someone, I had been holding it in for to long to push it down.

"you just left" the tears falling even harder now. I try to put up a fight as Dylan wraps his arms around me rubbing the back of my head. I give in and rest into his chest. The tears eventually easing up, but I stay curled up into Dylan's chest, making the front of his shirt wet from my tears. I repeats sorry over and over again, still rubbing the back of my head soothingly as my eyes start to become heavy.