Who can mend a broken heart?

Have I asked too much?

There is one thing all love stories have in common – they are about two people falling in love with each other. No matter if they do so on first sight or dramatically after they cannot stand each other at the beginning.

We all know stories like Romeo and Juliet, stories where love conquers everything and no obstacles can destroy the love, where love goes so deep that persons prefer to kill themselves rather than risk being separated. However, nobody ever talks about those who simply are left out. About those who simply seem to be forever alone.

This story is different. This is my story. It is about my struggle to be myself and my struggle to keep my confidence when all around me there are couples and love seems to be everywhere.

I grew up in a family where love was omnipresent. My parents share a simple but romantic story. They got to know each other on a party when they were in their early twenties. They met each other a few other times and a short amount of time later they started dating. They were dating a couple of weeks and started a relationship that lasted a few years and then they started planning their wedding. While they were planning, they noticed that my Mom was pregnant – with me. So they put the wedding date more early and had the most wonderful wedding with friends, jokes and dance. Two years later, my little sister followed.

Sure, sometimes they had arguments, but they never lasted longer than a day and most of the time they were having the relationship I always dreamed about. They joked and teased each other and always were visibly in love without being all clingy and obvious in front of other people. You could see their unconditional trust and I always imagined myself having a boyfriend with whom I could joke and laugh. I never looked for anyone who made romantic gestures or tried to snog me in front of everyone else. Instead, I always craved the innocent parts of a relationship. Holding hands, secret smiles, light touches, how his eyes light up when I'm around, having his arm around my shoulder, being asked if I'm too cold. And of course all the other parts of a relationship but not display our relationship in front of everybody.

So my biggest dream in life had always been finding my soul mate and having my own family preferably at a young age.

When I was 13, I had my first boyfriend. Our relationship lasted one year which is quite a time considering our age. We would spend our breaks together at school and go to the same climbing club afterwards. We were holding hands and sharing our first kisses. He was really sweet to me, remembered our "anniversaries" and even met my parents. But as time moved on, our interests began to differ and in the end we separated our ways. We've never been angry at each other afterwards and I really like to remember our time.

Afterwards, I had a really short relationship which ended because I met my first "big love". We were inseparable for about half a year. He was a year older than me, so we spent our breaks together and a lot of time after school. We got to know each other in my ballroom dance lessons and immediately were drawn to each other. I was incredibly in love, as well as him. We talked about our future and our life together, but how do they say? The candle which burns twice as bright burns half as long. So he told me his feelings had changed and ditched me. I was left heartbroken and sad for months. I believed him to be my one love.

Luckily, I proved myself wrong. In the following time, I had three more boyfriends. The last one again broke my heart. I did not understand what I had done to deserve being ditched by someone who was that difficult. He had all sorts of issues and did only have one friend at school. I did not care about what the others were saying about him and always backed him up. It wasn't until much later that I understood it wasn't my fault. I had been his first girlfriend and after we had done everything together that people normally do with their partner when they are 18, he simply had enough. He didn't know it initially, but he never really loved me. This realization hit me really hard and I spent the first two years of university doing what other students did in their teens. I went to parties and danced with fellow students. Sometimes I was slightly drunk and kissed a few guys. Shortly, I had some fun and also some deceptions, but life was good.