Instantaneous

ɪnsomnɪɑ.

• song of the chɑpter : thɪngs thɑt stop you dreɑmɪng by pɑssenger •

•○• for you •○•

It was one in the morning. And he sat at his usual place yet again. Like a daily routine of sorts, his mind would not let up. It was particularly brutal at this hour, making him go through all that he tries to suppress.

He sat there for another minute or so, staring out into the silent streets, encased in the darkness of the night. Running a hand through his already tousled hair, he jumped off of the window seat.

He powered up his laptop, setting it up on the coffee table of his dauntingly lonely house. Making his way over to the fridge, he took out a can of his favourite energy drink. Screw it, he thought as he sipped on the fizzy beverage. Sleep evaded him any way.

Sitting down on the couch, he picked up his laptop and set the music on shuffle.

Well if you can't get what you love,
You learn to love the things you've got,
If you can't be what you want,
You learn to be the things you're not,
And if you can't get what you need,
You learn to need the things that stop you dreaming,
All the things that stop you dreaming.

He sighed in frustration. It just had to be this song, he mused dejectedly. He put his head into his hands. Every memory he had associated with this song started playing through his mind like a slideshow.

He thought of how ironic it was that the lyrics excellently described all that he was feeling right this moment. In fact, he had been feeling this way since a while now. And it seemed like he's stuck in an endless downward spiral.

He can't sleep without her infiltrating his thoughts as he lies down. He can't eat without her laughter haunting him. He can't function without realising that she wasn't his nor would she ever be.

This is absolute insanity he said, out loud. But it didn't matter. The whole house was empty and he might as well talk to his muse without being judged. He missed the hustle bustle of his family. Too bad they were miles and miles away.

He picked up his abandoned laptop once again and opened up a blank page to type on. The cursor blinked at him, almost as if taunting him to expose himself.

Hesitating for a mere minute, he finally started typing out his frustrations. Slowly and gradually, the movements of his hand across the keys increased. He was typing now with a much more continuous pattern.

With his undivided attention on the words he typed out, he forgot all about the song playing in the background until the chorus hit.

I remember the day you told me you were leaving,
I remember the make up running down your face.

He paused midway between his task.

And the dreams you left behind,
I didn't need them, like every single wish we ever made.

He closed his eyes and absorbed the words.

I wish that I could wke up with amnesia,
And forget about the stupid little things.

Wiping off the solitary tear that was on the brink of escaping from his tired eyes, he typed out his favourite lines from the song.

Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you,
And the memories I never can escape,

Adding the last one in bold,

Cause I'm not fine at all.

Saving the document, he read through the small piece he had wretched away from within himself and let it out in the form of words.

'Nights turn to days and days turn to night. Yet, I still can't get you out of my mind. You were the best thing to happen to me. You gave me my confidence, my strength. You were my muse. But still, you were my downfall. Why did you do that to me? Did you not believe me when I told you I loved you so? Did you think I was lying when I said I'd listen to you whenever there was something wrong? Is that why you went and found a new man? Did you always think so little of me or was that a recent development, the lack of trust? I hope and pray that you're happy. I pray that you get all the happiness that you deserve and more. I can never hate you. Despite what circumstances occured between us. I can't bring myself to hate you. But I'd just like for you to know, that despite you being happy with your new man,and despite you being fine, I want you to know how I feel, and honestly,

I'm not fine at all.'

Deleting the document, he shut down his laptop, cutting the song playing midway. Feeling somewhat light weighted, he shuffled across to his bedroom. His phone flashed with an unread message.

Picking it up, he saw who it was from.

Heidi: Hey. How are you? Hope your insomnia got better.

He gave a bitter laugh at the irony. The person from his thoughts was reaching out to him, at three in the morning no less, as if she knew he was thinking about her again. Another message popped up on his screen.

Heidi: I know it's really late but I just want to know how you're doing. How's your insomnia?

And because he couldn't bring himself to hate her, he wiped away the moisture from his eyes, put aside his longing and answered the girl who stole his heart and took it with her.

Miles: Hey, I'm perfectly fine. (:

•○•

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as always,

peace,
sam. x