Country In My Soul

The air felt cold and crisp as it whipped Darcy's hair all around her face. Normally, she would've pushed it out of the way but today was not normal day. It was the day of her Mom's funeral. Shelby, Darcy's mom, was diagnosed with breast cancer 4 years ago when Darcy was 12. This was the same year her dad left them. The sudden change made everything more difficult. Paying for hospital bills was what most of the their money was used for. Darcy practically lived at her Nans house since her mother was in the hospital most of the time.

"How much longer until mom gets better?" she would always ask her Nan.

"Well dear, only the Lord knows the answer to that. We just have to keep praying that it will be soon." That was her answer everything single time. Prayers were constantly being said by each of them and every time God would fail to answer them. Then, on September 18, there was a call from the hospital.

"Ms. Sampson? This is Dr. Horner speaking", said the scruffy voice of the 60 year old man on the other end

"Is everything alright? How's my mom?" Darcy frantically asked the elder. There was a long pause before he finally answered her question.

"Unfortunately, your mother passed away last night. As you may know, kemo wasn't going too well so this wasn't very unexpected. I'm terribly sorry." Pure shock. That was all Darcy could feel. She couldn't feel her legs as they gave out under her or the tremble in her Nan's hands as she began shaking her shoulders. All she could think about was the fact that her mother was gone. The most important person in her life was gone. How would she be able to live without having someone to look up to now? That had been one of the many questions buzzing through her head up until now. 

She watched as the casket was lowered into the ground, symbolising that her mother was now only an angel in the heavens and a shell underground. She was no longer the beautiful, living, breathing, strong woman she was before. It would be hard to accept that, but she would have to eventually. Until then, she would just mourn the dead and pray to God that he would take care of her up in Heaven. 

Slowly, she approached the grave stone with her mothers full name, date of birth and date of death, holding onto her Peonies flower. Those were always Shelby's favorites. As she stood in front of the stone, she let out a shaky breath.

"I-I'm gonna miss you Momma. I know you're having a much better time up in Heaven. One day I'll come and join you. I promise", she stuttered out with a few sniffles in between. Bending her knees, she gently placed the beautiful flower in front of the stone and allowed a few tears to escape. She's lost quite a few of those lately.

"I-I love you Momma", she whispered before standing back up and walking towards the crowd. Nan held out her open arms to embrace her in a hug which she gratefully accepted. The priest read a little more scripture from the bible before the ceremony was over and everyone began walking back to their cars. A few of them came and gave Darcy a hug, telling her how sorry they were and that they're always here if she needed somebody. Of course, that wont be necessary since she already had somebody to go to and she wasn't happy about it at all.

"How you doin' kiddo", said the voice behind her that she dreaded the most. Her fathers. She chose to ignore him, keeping her crossed arms position towards the grave. She'd been standing like that for about an hour. 

She heard the crunch of leaves as he approached her. 

"Listen. What happened is a very tragic incident that your mother didn't deserve. At all. And I'm just as sad as you are, but-" he started until she quickly turned towards him and cut him off.

"Excuse me?? If I'm not mistaken, I just heard you say you were just as sad as I am", she said, glaring straight into his blue eyes that looked exactly like hers. Her and her father had a lot of the same features. Blond, curly hair. Fair skin. Full lips. She got most of his genes. The only thing she got of her mothers was her body type. Short and petite.

"Well I am-" he started until she once again cut him off.

"You're not anywhere NEAR being as sad as I am! You left her, which just goes to show how much you didn't care about her. Don't even try to think you can relate to how I feel, because you aren't anywhere close", she said through clenched teeth, jabbing him in the chest with her finger as she spoke. 

"Darcy, how many times do I have to say I'm sorry?" he asked desperately. She couldn't even count on her two hands how many times he'd apologized.

"You can apologize all you want, but it will never be enough for me to forgive you", she said, walking past him and towards the black car that was taking her and her dad to the airport. All of her things have been sent to New York where she will be living for the rest of her life. Going from her small town in Georgia to living in the big city was going to be hard, but she will always have a little country in her soul.