Losing Yourself

Dinner For 20

I enjoyed the silence as I sat at a circular table nearest to the beverages. I swirled my finger around the calico print lamenent, just thinking about how this place didn't seem too bad. The thought of me liking the place made me sick to my stomach with guilt. How could I condone to such an inhumane way of life. I had no idea where I had came from, who I was, who I used to know, or how I had got here. I couldn't possibly be okay with that. Ivory . . . Violet, they had grown used to it. This is life to them and it's all it'll ever be. I knew that there was life outside of these barred windows and concrete walls. There was more than Sprite, Fruit Punch, and the few other drinks they offered. I couldn't accept that our sole purpose is to serve. Serve a man that we didn't even know, for reasons unknown to us. We shouldn't be watched every where we go. We should have the rights to wander outside when ever we wanted. Even Alice had sympathy for us but if she really cared why did she take the job anyway? I doubted that she was once captivated in here, living life like the rest of us. She talked a good game but how could she ever relate? I was feeling a mixture of emotions, in deep thought I had forgotten about what was happening around me.

Coming back to reality I noticed that about half of the girls had came over to the left side of the wing and all claimed their seats. It was as if there were little posses. The same ones that had shared a sofa shared the same table. One table even had extra chairs pulled up to it just to account for all six girls, rather than four, which is what the tables were set up for. I heard a clicking noise followed by the beep and in rolled a four foot cooler of some sort. The man who pushed it had dark skin, and no hair. His head reflected the ceiling lights. He looked older but his skin on his face clung tight. If it weren't for the greying in his beard I would've assumed him younger. He opened the doors on the side of the cooler and pulled out aluminum pans cover with tin foil. He placed the four pans onto one of the tables. Ontop of the cooler were loafs of bread, and paper plates. "Bon Appetite" the man said with a smile before walking down the hallway with papers in hand. Almost everyone had found themselves a seat, and yet I still sat alone. Moments went by before Violet came back into view and joined me at the table, "I'm sorry about that I had to take my medicine. I do before every meal" I looked at her confused, she didn't look ill and from talking to her before she didn't seem unstable, "What do you take medicine for?" I asked out of curiosity. She gave me an antsy smile, "I have diabetes. They haven't explain much about it to me. But before every meal I inject my medicine in my stomach with a needle. And the worst part is I can't even do it myself. Alice is supposed to do it but she let's me do it in her supervision. I think the reason she doesn't is because it grosses her out" I felt bad for Violet. She didn't was such an uppity person and the thought of someone having to give themselves a needle multiple times a day made me quiver. I just responded with "Oh"

Everyone was getting up, getting paper plates and eating utensils to head over to the table where the food sat. I just watched as they all gossip and laughed, all while they stood waiting for their turn. I decided to wait to go last. Violet wasn't as talkative now as she was before. Instead she seemed a bit down. A part of me wanted to ask her what the matter was, another part told me to just leave it. Alice was standing at the end of the hallway directly next to the counter watching everybody dig in. Every few seconds she would glance over at me, as if I was going to grab a plastic fork and kill everyone in the room. I ignored the feeling of being watched and just sat there quietly. "The group has dimmed out, you wanna come grab something to eat?" Violet asked me. I shook my head gesturing yes and off we went, grabbing paper plates and forks. Then went over to the food. "Yesss. Spaghetti. One of my favorites" Violet exclaimed. We waited and go ourselves spaghetti, and bread, along with something she called salad. Which was a mixture of things. The night was going well and the salad was good. "Why havent you touched your spaghetti?" Violet asked me, "You aren't one of those people who dont eat meat are you?" I looked at her tilting my head a bit, "I don't think so. I just figured I'd save it for last seeings it smells more appetizing then the rest" She shrugged, "Suit yourself. I might just be having seconds" She took bite after bite, slurping up noodle after noodle. Once almost done my salad I decided to take a bite of the spaghetti. She was right the spaghetti was very good, but I started to feel a little bit faint. I convienced myself it was all in my head and took another bite. The moment the taste registered I lost conciousness, falling sideway right out of my seat and onto the floor in front of everyone.

There I was sitting at a wodden table. There was a beautiful floral cloth that ran acrossed surface. Candle sticks lit in the center. Next to the candles there was a woven wooden basket lined in napkin and filled with bread rolls. There were three other people at the table with me. Acrossed from there sat a young boy, he took his fork smiling and flicked a pea at me. "Kayden!" I said giggling. Then I preceded to flick it back hitting him dead in the eye, causing us both to break out in laughter. "Oucchh" he said. "Guys please don't play with your food. You know how your mother feels about that. She's taken time out her day to prepare this for us" said a man who sat at the end of the table. He had brown short slicked down hair, and wore a black fancy suit. His eyes were blue as the sky and there was a white cloth tucked into his top to protect it from being soiled. Acrossed from him there was a lady, her eyes a gray color. Her hair a white as the walls but she didn't look very old. That's when I spoke up, looking directly at her, "Thanks mom it's very delicious. I never knew spaghetti would go good with peas"