Can't hurt me

Chapter III

Gabriella

My next day, was torture.
God.
I knew this was going to haunt me, but... When I saw the handsy red head playing grab-the-booty with Grayson this morning, I felt like I was going to vomit. I mean, this, is exactly why I left. No, I can't explain. Not yet.
It's been nearly a month now, each day going by worse and worse. Another girl pressed against Grayson's side as his eyes take over her, ignoring me like we've never met.
Today, my last class was an extra class. It was a beginners course for writers. I love the idea of being a writer, but everything changed when I left. I didn't know anything anymore. It felt like I was falling into a black hole. And I still haven't hit the bottom.

My phone rings the instant I exit the class room. I embarrassedly picked up, trying to ignore the states I got for my loud ringtone. "Hello?" I say not even looking at the caller ID. "Umm, hey Baby doll" I hear the crumbly breaths of my mother.
No.
This isn't it.
I can't do it.
Today's the day she's going to tell me.
"Y-yes?" I stutter scared of what she going to say. By now I'm sitting on a bench so I could put my stuff down. The corridors emptied out for the most part. That was most people's last class of the day so... You know.
"Baby, no matter what is on this paper, I need you to stay strong. To follow your dream. Grow up and have kids of your own. Please. For me." Mothers voice cracks and I fight back tears. I know this won't be good.
I hear my mother opening an envelope, and her breath hitches.
" Dear Mary Petit,

We have run enough test on you to acknowledge something wrong. Test have come to conclusion that it is in fact, leukemia. We will have you hospitalized, within a matter of days."

My mothers voice shakes at the end, "No." I plead. "I'm coming home." I say. "No, you are going to be strong. Because you are one of the strongest people I know! Forget about me, and your father and everything else. Please! For my sake, move on. I know you can."
With that my mother hangs up the phone. I had my fist in my mouth to keep from either sobbing or punching something.
God! Why had I been so stupid to believe something would go my way?! I should've known. I angrily slam my bag over my shoulder and rush towards my dorm.

Once inside my knees give out and I fall to the floor by the door. I'm so bing now, nothing's stopping me. I'm gone to the world. A complete blank. I hear knocking, but the sound of a fist to the wooden door is overtaken by the sobs that wrench my throat. Knowing I can't escape. I've been in New York, for One month. And in this one month, I've felt everything I've ever felt (bad wise) and worse.
"Come on, let me in! I need to talk to you, for gosh sakes, Gabby!"
Grayson. He can't see me like this.
"You know what, fine."
I hear footsteps walking away as I sob harder than before.

-*-*-*-*-

Three days. That's how long I've been here. Three screeching days, and horror filled nights. No more knocks on my door. Nothing. I can't take it anymore. My life has always been so dramatic. I need to see the one person that always fills me with hope.

I hail a taxi cab and give him the directions. My outfit: Plain black skater dress. Black leather jacket. Black converses.
That's all I need.
I pay and thank the drive and get out.

The grave stones have piled up since the three years I've been gone. It saddens me. All the unattended stones. People that don't care anymore. It's horrible. It really is. My plain red rose, my dad loved them. He was a wonderful man. If he didn't work so much, maybe he'd still be here. But he was so exited for his trip to Tokyo. Who knew his plane would crash. You'd be surprised that I ever got on one again. He died when I was nine. Leaving me nine years of grieving. I was put into therapy when I was ten, because after the news got to me I stopped speaking. To everyone. My mother, my friends, my teachers. They eventually got me to talk when I turned twelve. From then it went upwards. Until I met Grayson. I fell. I fell so hard. I kneel down by the plain grave. "I'm sorry daddy. I left you here alone. I thought I'd stop hurting, but here I am. I thought that if I left soon enough. I wouldn't love. Because when I love it, it leaves. Mommy's dying, and I'm not there. Grayson hates me. And I can't do a thing. You're not here to help me! You're supposed to be here! Why did you leave me here?! I need you!" I sob hysterically at my fathers grave. I hate myself so much sometimes. It just hurts to much sometimes. "I'm sorry, I can fix this. I know I can. I-I I'll be strong for mom. I'll talk to Grayson. I'll fix myself.
I'll be back." I say quietly. I lay the rose on the ground in front of the grave and walk quietly back out to the road. I watched the short journey from NYU to here. I can walk it.

Well, it took nearly an hour. But yes, yes I did. I walked slowly, hardly wanting to move. I need to talk to Grayson. To explain why I left. Wether he accepts it or not. At least I can say I tried. That had to count for something, right? I hope, I pray, I fall.

What am I doing wrong? Why can't I do it right? What's wrong with me?

-*-*-*-

Wow, I poured a lot of emotion I didn't know I had Into this chapter. And. I. Loved. It.
It was pretty boring, but so easy to write!