Chasing Chances

A/N: This is my imagination. Partially edited.

 Cassey

I have never seen love, never had it, never even dreamed of it. Yet here I am, in the city that never sleeps, searching for some boy I met at a gas station last night. The boy who I am convinced is the one who can fix me. The boy who helped me. The boy who told me that nothing is destroyed past the point of being healed, the things that are broken just don't have the right people to help them.

I wasn't quite sure what possessed me to follow this boy, who's name I don't know, to a huge city that I've never been to. But it started with a switch blade in a gas station. I had been on the road, non-stop, for the past four hours, tracking this boy down. Maybe for the chance to say that I lived a little before I pass, and maybe for the chance of getting love in my little time left. 

The chance that I would find him was slimmer than the chance of me living long enough to attend my high school graduation. And that was in seven months. The chance of him liking me in return was slimmer than me being able to walk with a full head of hair at my graduation. The comparisons of my chances with him an my upcoming death were ruining my 'i-can-do-anything' mood.

I had never even dreamt of coming to the city. So seeing the huge sky scrapers and twinkling lights was like a splash of fresh water. It was refreshing to have a scenery change. It was refreshing to know i had done something interesting in my last few months.

Well, if I pulled off the whole love thing, then I did something I never thought even existed. I am not a firm believer in love, partially because it has never happened to me, and partially because every time I think I love something, it always is destroyed. Everything I touch is ruined. Like my life. I was born in a body that was destined to die this way. That was made to be wrecked at a young age. A body that would rot and be forgotten quicker than you would think because there is no one to remember me fondly by.

I try so hard to not get caught up in my depression, but it's hard sometimes, considering life doesn't give me very many lemons. My mind begins to run dry of things to think, which makes me kind of fuzzy, so I try to focus on a real object, in this case, the ugly yellow stripes standing out on the black tar.

I clicked my left-blinker on as I turned into the parking garage. The musty smell of New York, rotting trash and gasoline assaulted my nose. Hopping out of the car, I passed my keys to the owner, and quickly exited. The above-ground air was almost no better, it was less gasoline infected but more thick. 

I started my way down whatever street I was on and started asking around for "Destiny Coffee House". That's where he said he was going.

It seemed hopeless in such a huge city. It seemed hopeless to someone who had given up hope months ago. It seemed hopeless to try for something that would never be.

Street by street, I checked every store, every alleyway, asking every person I saw where this mysterious coffee shop is. I needed to find him. I needed to thank him. For saving me.

But i kept trying and trying and trying. I kept searching. Until, just as I was about to give up a small little sign that read "Destiny Coffee House" sign appeared. It was too good to be true. I didn't believe that it was actually happening.

I dashed inside, the air smelling strongly of coffee. The I saw him. My eyes locked with his blue ones. It seemed as though time had frozen and there was only me and him. Him and I. And then the perfection of this moment was ruined with a sharp abdomen pain. It felt as though someone had stabbed a knife in me and was twisting it. I got these pains often, a result of my Stage IV Ovarian Cancer.