*TRIGGER WARNING*
"We’re going out for a bit (Y/N)" Jaime says as he and the boys walk out the door. Nodding my head, I walk to the living room and sit on the couch to watch TV.
"Fucckk. I’m hungry." I mumble to myself as I stand up and go out to the kitchen after having watched the first 3 Harry Potter movies.
Fumbling through the cabinets I decide to eat cereal. As I’m pouring it into a bowl, I stop and grab the milk out of the fridge. once I’ve got the cap off and I started pouring the milk, I hear the door open. Jumping, I accidentally drop the milk by accident.
As I rush to the other counter to grab paper towels to clean it up, Jaime walks in and sees the mess. “What the fuck (y/n)? I leave you here for a few hours and you make a mess! I thought you were responsible enough to handle some time alone. I guess I was wrong."
I could tell he was drunk. Brushing it off, I continue to grab paper towels to clean up the mess. “I was just trying to get some cereal. When you guys walked in the door I jumped and dropped the milk. It’s no big deal. I’ll walk to the store and get another carton."
Even though I didn’t have an attitude with him, his mind automatically made it seem like I did. “No big deal? You spilt the entire fucking thing on the floor! Why were you getting cereal anyway? You ate before we left!"
Already trying not to cry, I throw the paper towels at him. “Then you clean it the fuck up if it’s such big deal! Fuck sake Jaime!" Walking past him, he stops me. Grabbing both of my shoulders, he pulls me out of the kitchen and shoves me up against the wall, knocking my head into it hard.
Falling to the floor, I watch as Mike and Tony grab him and hold him back from kicking me. Trying my best to stand up, I run to my room and lock the door behind me. My head still pounding, I grab a handful of aspirin and swallow them.
Opening my top dresser drawer, I pull everything out and grab a medium size box from the back.
Opening it, the light reflects off of my clean blades. Closing the box again, I walk over to my small desk and sit the box on the floor beside. Grabbing a pen and paper, I write my final words.
"Jaime,
I’m sorry I’m leaving you this way, but I can’t do it anymore. I’m giving up. I’m sorry mom and dad didn’t love me enough, leaving you with me and my fucked up mind. I’m sorry I’ve waited so long to do this, it should’ve been done years ago. You’ve done all that you could these past few years but I just can’t take it anymore.This world wasn’t meant for me to live in. I’ve tested my patience and maxed out my energy and need to go on. There’s nothing left for me here anymore. Don’t ever give up on music because you’ve saved so many lives. You’ll be fine without me. Maybe now you won’t have to be so cautious about the things you say and do around the house. I’m tired of being everyone’s last pick. I’m tired of being put down and pushed aside. I’ve got no purpose. I’m sorry for everything. I love you. Please remember that and don’t shed a tear. This wasn’t your fault, this was mine. I love you Jaime.
Tony,
Thank you for being there for me all the time. You were always my favorite. Don’t grieve over this. I’m in a better place now. All the time we’ve spent together has been amazing. Thank you for sharing so much of your life with me. Hearing your stories; your past. It’s been amazing. Don’t ever forget how amazing you truly are. I love you forever and always.
Vic & Mike,
You guys are so crazy and perfect. You’re both very talented. Don’t ever let that go. Keep saving lives, that’s what you do best. (Besides partying). Don’t be upset. Be happy because of all the fun times we’ve all had together. Now you can go back to times you four had before I ruined it. I love you guys. Don’t forget me.
