Surviving Depression

Chapter 1

"When will it go away?" I whisper to myself as I sit in the darkness of my room with bleeding wrists and a sore back. I hear the front door slam and automatically know that my father has gone out after my 'punishment'.

I don't understand. Why does he punish me? Does he still blame me for my mother's death? No, he couldn't. I didn't do anything. At least, I don't think I did.

~6 years ago~

"Sweetheart, I'll be fine." My mother comforts as I cling to her, crying.

"No, you won't. Daddy says you're getting worse!" I shout as more tears roll down my cheeks.

"What?!" My mother shouts as she takes me by my shoulders and holds me out arms length. "He's been telling you that I've gotten worse?!" She asks and I nod.

"He tells me every day when we go home that you're getting worse." I say sadly.

"I need to talk to Daddy for a moment. Go play with some toys in the waiting room and send Daddy in, ok?" She says as she lets my shoulders go.

"Ok!" I shout happily as I run out of the room and skip towards my dad. "Mommy wants to see you!" I shout and my dad walks towards the room I came from. Soon, I hear yelling. Being distracted from the toys a few feet away, I slowly walk towards my mom's hospital room.

"How could you tell her that I've been getting worse?!" Mommy shouts.

"She deserves to know!" Daddy shouts back.

"You can't tell that to a child!" Mommy shouts back. "Especially our child!"

"Well, it's already done. She deserves to know that you could die!" My eyes widen when my dad says this. Tears start to flood my eyes as I hear a loud smack.

"What are you slapping me for?!" My dad shouts. I could hear the anger in his voice, scaring me.

"That's for telling our child-" my mom is cut off and I hear a gasp.

"Nurse! Nurse!" My dad shouts, running out of the room. I slip into the room and look at my mom to see her shaking and mumbling things. "Get out of the way!" My dad shouts as he pushes me to the ground. More tears fall down my face at the gesture and none of the nurses notice. The few beeps of my mom's heart I had heard soon turned into a long beep that meant death...

~Three weeks after the death~

I stood at my mother's grave, sobbing quietly. I turned towards my father to see him glaring at the tombstone. He noticed me watching him and turned his glare towards me. The next few words he says shatter my heart.

"This is all your fault."

~Present Time~

I wipe the tears from my face, shaking the memories from my mind. I look at my clock. Midnight. My dad's been gone for an hour now. The 'punishment' I'd talked about earlier consisted of getting beaten with his thick belt about 15 times. Another tear rolls down my cheek as I think of the pain he inflicted on me. The reason for my punishment was the usual. Finding anything I had done wrong so he had an actual reason to hurt me.

Like I haven't been hurt enough.

I get up from my spot on the floor where I had previously cut my wrists to take away the pain of my back and memories. After making sure my bedroom door was locked, like that would stop him from getting in here, I slowly walk towards my bathroom that was connected to my room. I stood in front of the mirror and looked at myself. Wrists bleeding, tear stained cheeks, bags under my eyes, and slouching from the pain in my back. I close my eyes and take deep breaths as I turn the faucet on. I wince as the cold water washes the blood from my wrists. Once all the blood is washed off, I take slow steps towards my shower and turn it onto a cold setting, knowing my back wouldn't be able to stand hot water right now. I strip my clothes and look at my blood stained shirt.