Nothing Lasts Forever

An Eternity

My sweetest Liam,

How are you? It's been forever since I heard from you. I haven't heard from you in the last five months. That's the last time I received one of your letters. There's fewer. Should I worry?

You'll probably say I shouldn't worry my pretty little head. But I do worry because I love you. I worry because you're the reason I breathe and wake up every single day.

It's getting harder to wake up each morning. You're not by my side. And I don't hear from you. Where are you? Are you well? Are you still the unofficial official doctor? If so, how can you take care of yourself?

I'm worrying again. Every minute that passes is another minute wasted without you. A minute that I wish you could've been here. A minute that you could've chosen to be with me. I'm so selfish Liam...I'm sorry.

You're doing this so that we won't have to worry about our future children. And the little one we have here at home. So, we can be free in this great country we call home.

He misses you greatly Liam. He could almost match me. Almost. It's not the same without you. The money you left us is still not being used. I pray that when you come back we can move to that house we talked about in the woods where the threes and nature can disguise us. Hide us from those who don't understand our love.

I'm working Liam. I'm working in a factory creating things for war. I can't go to war because of my poor vision and our son. Let me tell you there's so many women here. They're so nice. One of them had taken a like to me. I don't have the heart to tell her that I can never correspond to her.

You would like her Liam. Honest, you would. And Liam? I still look. I sometimes stay up until sunrise just to have the image of you in your farming clothes. That plaid shirt you had on with your back pants. I could've done without the suspenders but you looked so handsome so I'll forgive you.

Do you ever do the same? Stay up twice to see the colors of the sky and compare them to our sky? So far none has matched our bright and lucid? Sky. I'm not sure if I'm using lucid properly Liam.

You're not here to be my dictionary. My handsome dictionary. I loved how you were excited learning new words because it meant you were closer to your goal.

Do you still want to be a doctor? Or would you runaway with us? Have a peaceful little life. We won't earn much but we'll love you forever.

Liam? I've learned something too. Love lasts forever even when someone dies. We continue to love that person even if they're no longer in our life. The ceased to exist but we continue to love. Nothing lasts forever? Love does...

And Liam...I love you. I think, I love you more than the day we said goodbye.

It's been five months. You're right it feels like an eternity and time still had gone by quickly. How is it possible to feel like it's not moving but you blink your eyes and five months passed?

Do you remember me still? Because I remember you, Liam. Always.

Forever yours and only yours,

Lou and James xx

I let myself cry reading the letter. I don't care that I'm a Payne. We suffered so much crap and we continue to suffer. I can't take it anymore.

I'm tired and hungry. This place looks as if it couldn't grow anything. No birds fly by anymore. There's no color except grey, black, brown, and red.

I don't now if I'll make it. I don't know if can come back home to them. I want to believe I can but my faith is shaking. My faith is wavering.

I miss my family. They're everything to me. I'm starting to question whether I did the right thing. I could've been there with them by my side.

I can still remember the last time I was with them. If I wrote it to Louis, could he feel my love and longing? My Louis can at least see that I still remember them as if it were yesterday.