The tears burn
Behind my eyelids,
Hanging low with exhaustion.
The fear burns
My throat,
Leaving a sour taste
And a bitter feeling
Of self hatred.
My mind stings
Every time I think
Of you.
The way you're
Probably smiling right now,
With a girl under your arm,
Or a frilly drink
In your hand,
While I'm forced by
My own oppressing thoughts
To down a
Bottle of jack in
One sitting and
Smoke a pack a day,
Just to try and
Forget your forgiving
Manner, that I
Always envied.
But now I don't.
I don't envy
The fact that you,
In my situation,
Would be able to
Let yourself off the hook.
While I may be
Biased, I am not
Ignorant. I
Will not look past
Mistakes that cannot
Be reversed.
I will not forgive you
For shattering my
Entire being,
Then leaving me
To sweep up the shards
That cut and stabbed
At my mind and soul
For weeks.
I will not forgive you
For breaking me,
And then racing off,
Not even leaving me
A bottle of
Superglue,
Or a memory
In which I could
Remember hating
Someone as much as
I hate you now.
But what you did
Leave me with
Was a migraine,
A hangover,
A head of 4-day-
Unwashed hair,
And a strong feeling of
Self doubt.
I can take pills.
Migraines pass.
Grease washes out.
But one thing
I will never shake off,
Is the inner war
You set off inside
Me.
