Cherry Bomb (A Michael Fassbender Fanfic)

19: Socked

It was raining in Killarney which wasn't surprising.  I was thankful to have Michael on my side.  Without him, I wouldn't have known when and where Grandmother's funeral would be held. 

Anxiety, anger, hurt, and about a million other emotions surged through my veins the closer the taxi got to Saint Peter's.  I wrung my hands together, afraid as hell of becoming a blubbery mess. 

On the plane, I was so amped up and prepared a very long and hurtful rant aimed at my mother, if you can call her that, and Rae.  I barely slept.  I know I should have because jet lag always hits me hard.  But every time I tried to close my eyes all I could see was red.  Just the color red.

The taxi pulled into the lot of the church and though I looked a right mess after spending eight hours mingling with a bunch of sweaty people, there wasn't much I could do about it.  I pulled my hair back into a tight ponytail and lugged my carry-on behind me. 

I opened the heavy wrought iron doors and stepped in, my heart feeling heavier than ever being inches closer to seeing my grandmother.  There was no one around in the grand foyer, so I quietly walked down the front hallway until I heard someone praying loudly.  Outside the entrance of the sanctuary sat a table covered with programs for the funeral.  My grandmother's beautiful smile graced the front page.  I picked one up and held it close to my heart.

Entering the large room stuffed with pews, I sat in the back, alone.  No one noticed and that was fine with me.  I could see the casket up front was opened but I couldn't see inside from where I sat.  Part of me was still in denial.  My grandmother, though as old as she was, was supposed to outlive us all. 

The entire sanctuary smelled of roses and carnations.  It was overpowering but the sight was beautiful.  Baskets of flowers and plants filled the front of the room from family and friends from around the world.

I glanced around and found Rae, Carl, my mother, and my poor grandfather sitting together up front with the rest of the family.  Carl had his arm around Rae and I could hear her sniffling.  And in that very moment, I didn't hate her.  As much as I wanted to yell at her and curse her out, she was suffering the same loss I was feeling.  Maybe even more so.  And as for my mother, this was her own mother here.  She certainly was closer to her mother than I was with my own. 

I had every right to be pissed at them for keeping this news from me.  They had no right to leave me out of this.  But they are hurting too.  All the words of anger I had written down and poured over on the way here simply vanished from my thoughts.  I wasn't here to scream at my family.  I was here to grieve a woman who loved each and every one of us.  The one woman who brought us all together every holiday season as best as she could.  Family meant everything to her.

Tears began to cloud my view and I blinked and wiped them away.  Several feet away from my family sat Michael with his parents.  He had his arm around his mother, Adele, holding her close.  My heart sank seeing him being so tender.  I wanted to hate him for dumping me but I knew I never would.  He always has and always will mean too much to me.

Michael's eyes wandered and locked with mine.  I quickly looked away but I could feel his stare. 

The priest praying said his amens and blessed the congregation.  The back of the program told where she would be buried and it asked that only family members join in lowering her casket into the ground.

I had missed a majority of the service, it seemed.  The organ sounded and the first row rose to their feet to leave.  I clutched the program tightly as I watched my mother and my grandfather arm-in-arm descend down the center aisle.  Grandfather didn't notice me, dabbing his eyes delicately with a tissue, but Mother looked right at me.  If she was shocked to see me, she didn't show it.  She ushered my grandfather out of the sanctuary without a word.