At first, i didn't know what to think of Jordan, but now, after our hour long conversation as a group during free draw when we turned our desks to face eachother talking about coming out, funny stories of our childhood, weird fetishes, addictions, and even a small bit of self harm coming up, i liked him, really really liked him.
Selfharm. I thought of the subject and conversation as Jordan, Hayden and i went to our fourth period lunch. Sadly, Haley and Violet were in fifth period lunch.
I thought of long nights after my parents had been drunk yelling at me, and the horrendous things i did to myself was triggering. I didn't realize Jordan was staring at me until i actually looked up. He must have known i was upset because he quickly changed the subject to my addiction of pancakes and waffles as we made it into the cafeteria, he pointed out the rows of small pancakes and i smiled.
We followed a bunch of other students throughout the lunch line and gathered food onto our trays, then sat down at any tavle we wanted, but ofcourse we sat together.
Our third period conversation:
Hayden: So what are you guys drawing?
Me: I dont know , maybe a quote or lyrics...
Haley: um my cat.
Violet: I like cats.
Hayden: So, Jordan is it? What are you drawing?
Jordan: Yeah, and I'm just doodling, nothing real.
Violet: I think I'll just draw youtubers.
Hayden: Stick figures?
Voilet: Shutup
Me: who's your favorite youtuber?
Voilet : hmm Miranda Sings slays.
Hayden : MIRANDA FOR THE WIN!!
Haley: I like Anna Akana and Hannah Hart.
Me: Hmm i like them all but Superwoman and onision have to be my favorite!
Jordan : yeah, i like superwoman , onision and Colleen's cool.
There had been silence except for pencils and pens against paper.
Haley: Ayee i got sour patch kids Dan!!
Me: OMG WHERE GIMMEE GIMMEE !!!
Jordan: dang.
Hayden : here we go again haha..
Violet : Jordan, i swear we're normal!
Me: we are everything but normal.
Haley: Bruh chill im giving you half for lunch.
And she did, i held the half full bag close to my chest, like my own child, i loved sour patch kids.
I had began sketching out the lyrics " I'm a hurricane " making the word ' Hurricane ' big and in captial letters, behind it was a hurricane and at the very bottom in small letters i wrote, ' Never forget the summer of '97 ' just like in Halsey's video of hurricane.
I loved Halsey, she was an inspiration for many and especially me. I had started listening to her a few years ago and she's been my favorite ever since.
Hayden began waving his hand infront of my face and Jordan chuckled as i shook my head, getting back into reality.
" Huh?" I blinked.
" Whoooop i got cold pizza!" Hayden chanted munching on pepperonis.
" nice.." i take out my math folder from my binder slung across my arm and take out my homework, which i couldn't complete the night before because my father had been wasted like never before, except the same as everyday- i had to go to sleep early and wasn't allowed to do homework.
In all, their was 20 problems due today and i sucked at math, especially this lesson.
Algebra. Too many letters and not enough numbers, i sigh.
The first problem was sort of easy, or i got it wrong... oh well.
Hayden must have realized that i was having trouble and decided to step in and attempt to help me.
" Me see, i gots this Danny boy," He said smirking.
" Perv." I laugh and give him my papers.
" Um... i don't understand any of this. " he attempted to smile but looked extremely weird, like Moe Syslak.
" Here, Danny boy, " Jordan smiled at the nickname of mine and took my paper. I didn't say anything, but i smiled.
" This is what you're doing wrong, you have multiply these two numbers, not coefficients." He showed me with my pencil.
I chew on my lip and take the pencil, followinf his instructions and trying it myself. At first, i get frustrated from a small mess up, but after a few minutes i finally finish the back of the homework.
" Awesome, just one mistake on number seven," he pointed and i redo the work.
" So Dan, have you thought of coming out to your parents yet?" He takes a bite out of his pizza.
I look down and pull my hoodie sleeves down to cover my hands. Coming out was a sensitive subject, but i knew Hayden meant the best when he asked. I wanted so badly to say yes, but it wasn't true, i couldn't come or to my sort of parents. Thankfully, this weekend i was able to spend it with my sister with her dog and boyfriend.
" Eh... i don't think that'll happen..," i play with my food.
Jordan sighed, " Same."
Hayden finished his pizza and with a full mouth he asked, " You're bisexual right?" He swallows his food. " Tehehehe sorry."
Jordan nodded slowly, finishing his food.
We get up and throw away our Styrofoam trays with any leftover food.
•••
{ end of 5th period, 3:55 p.m. }
I completed my science work and closed my book and folder, looking across the room to Jordan to see him looking back at me, however he swiftly looks down and bites his lip.
" So you like the new kid." Kyle, an old friend who sits across from me whispers.
" yeah" i say as if in a dream. Snapping out of my hazy daydream, i quickly add, " What- no.. i.. i.. i dont even..." my eyes widen.
Kyle chuckles. " Well, he's coming over here... right now."
Just as Kyle said that, Jordan pulled up the chair next to me and sat on it backwards smiling with his natural puppy eyes staring into my goddamn soul.
" Oh-- Hi ," all of a sudden i feel out of breath.
Jordan chuckles, " I hear there's a big math quiz tomorrow... im free tonight if you want me to come over and help you study?"
I take a deep breath and pull my sweater sleeves over my hands nervously.
" Yeah.. that'd be great... um I'll text you my address.." i take his phone when he offers it and type in my phone number.
Jordan smiles just as the bell rings, and the buses are called.
