Back For Him

Nine o'clock

I was in bed thinking about everything that's going on in my life, I got up and went to my window, my window has a mini bed that's attached to the wall, I got it installed for my last birthday because I'm always writing next to my window and siting there thinking about stuff so my mom bought me it so I can actually be comfortable.. Anyway, as I was sitting there staring off into space, I look at the city, I have the perfect view of everything, it's so beautiful from far away, but up close everything is so ugly, the roads are trashed, garbage everywhere, gang signs, spray paint, burnt down buildings, beat up cars, broken windows, bars with hookers. But from far away it looks like Christmas lights are everywhere. I don't know how to describe it, though it's just so much beauty from far away. *But that's not what I want to talk about, you probably don't care either but why are you reading this? Your choice, it's mostly like a little diary of the thoughts I think every day.. That I have to write down or I cry everyday ugh I don't know*
I sit there, thinking about if I didn't waste my time on max the whole summer, I could have been with Andy. The fair that summer I could have been holding his hand, we could have been riding all the rides together, it could have been so much fun, but I was so stupid that I stuck with max, even after he started dating my bestfriend, I forgave him and her I don't care, I just care that he ruined my teenage life. No boyfriend, no bestfriend. I'm just waiting until Andy and Tracy break up, but I don't think they will really, they look so in love, truth is Tracy barley even looked like she liked Andy, she barley talked about him or talked to him in school. Ever since the rumor started she has gotten closer and acted more fake, even my other bestfriend who goes to a different school now notices how fake she acts before the rumor started. But guess that's life, he never believed me or my bestfriend Kim. He should when she breaks his heart but maybe not. I don't know maybe she really does like him. Don't listen to me. I fell asleep at nine.