A Broken Wing

6. Silent Kiss

People returned to their booths and the steady hum of office life grew into a crescendo. Keyboards were clicking as stories were written and the news turned into words. Names were printed into lists. The dead were counted. Phones rang and voices answered, speech circled around the air and everything merged into one swirling mass of noise, a buzz, a hum, like a sleeping bee.

 “Miss Waters.” Honey looked up. Gregor Alyss stood by his open door, his numb brown eyes directed at her. “My office. Now.” Honey stood up slowly and walked over to him.

The door clicked shut behind her and she was alone with him. Silence.

“Please have a seat.” Gregor said gesturing to a chair in front of his desk.

“Thank you.” Honey replied softly as she sat opposite him.

“How many today?”

Honey hated these questions. She clenched her jaw before saying in the sweetest possible voice.

“Sixteen sir.”

Gregor looked at her and smiled. “Only sixteen? That’s good.”

Some people in this world adopt masks, ways that help them to cope. People deal with death differently, some cry, some smile and some pop a pill. No matter what you do, or what you think you do, if you trick yourself into thinking it is okay then it is, briefly. That won’t change the facts. That won’t alter the truth. The one you loved is still dead.

“I understand you applied for the post in the East?” His deep gravelly London tones reached inside her like a surgeon’s hand.

“That is correct Mister Alyss.”

He smiled a little. “Please Honey. Call me Gregor.” She nodded in acknowledgement. “Your fiancé James. He’s out there at the moment?”

Honey looked down. The mention of his name was enough.

“How long has he been out there?”

“One week.”

“You know it’s strange.” Honey looked up. “When we’re small the world seems so vibrant, so colourful.” He paused. “You see butterflies everywhere as you create beautiful moments. However,” he paused again, his face clouded over as if reliving a painful memory, “as we grow older, we cling to those moments, those lights of hope.” Gregor pulled open a draw and placed a tray of pills on the table. “The butterflies are still there, drawn into the flickering candles of long forgotten dreams, except they’re not butterflies anymore.” He looked at Honey; a gaze that went through her outer layers into the very centre of her being, a look that said everything. “Now we call them moths.” He cracked the foil and one pill bounced onto the table. It was as bright as the sun. Alyss opened his mouth and placed the pill onto his tongue.

“I’m sorry mister… Gregor what does this have to do with James? What does this have to do with my application?”

Mister Alyss stared at her. “Honey I need you to understand this.” He sighed “I haven’t given you the job.”

Those words hit her like a hammer and her eyes widened with distress.

“I couldn’t be the man that sent a soldier’s wife to the warzone. I couldn’t double the chances of one of you being killed. It’s too dangerous.”

Honey stared at him. The square jaw, dark skin, black hair and light stubble, she hated him.

“I want to be with him.” She breathed deeply “You don’t understand what it’s like.”

Alyss looked at her. There was something in his eyes that she hadn’t seen before. Something new that she had not seen in anyone’s eyes for a long time. It was pity.

“Honey, believe me. I know exactly what it’s like.”

That was it. Honey looked at him, into his deep brown eyes. She was searching for it. Searching for the one he had lost. There was a photo on his desk, a photo of himself with a beautiful young woman. It had been taken a while ago. He stood there smiling, a smile that no one had anymore. He was getting married. The bride on his left was smiling too. She was beautiful.

Then Honey realised. She knew what he had been through. His own war. The tour to the East, his injury. Returning home scarred and bloodied to his wife. His dead murdered wife.

“I’m sorry.”

Silence is innocence. That is because in innocence you don’t need noise, you don’t need to say anything, because nothing needs explaining, nothing needs to be justified. Just like the moment leading to a kiss, you don’t say anything because nothing needs to be said. The only thing is no one kisses like that anymore. The world isn’t as quiet as it once was.