Does It Even Matter

I have no idea what this story will be about yet so I make no promises. Tempted to add smut sometime so you've been warned. This story will most likely be off to a nice start and then I will be too lazy to upload any more. I have a lot on my mind so I guess I just need to do something besides think. Oh well. The cover thing is not mine, I pretty much assaulted google.Enjoy I guess? 

 So I don't know exactly what I've done, want to do, or even what I'm doing with myself or my life. I'm ruining my chances by sitting around all day doing nothing productive and I don't feel the drive to do anything. My day is usually get up around 10 or even 11. My morning is wasted by then usually. I don't eat lunch or anything but that may be explained later. After a few hours of wandering around the neighborhood, I usually sit on the internet all day on tumblr and occasionally check facebook. I do this until I get hungry. My mother and father are usually working at random hours and don't pay me any mind. My sister is 18 and is living in Orlando for the summer working with my uncle. She's only about and hour and a half away but I don't miss her much. My younger brother is active as hell is usually running about, always into something. With everyone always gone, I go through a box or two of Hot Pockets every week and a few gallons of orange juice and a few Red Bulls. It's currently summer. My friends are traveling or going out and stuff but I sit here. In my room. All day. 

Pretty much, I'm a dead beat. 

 I don't mind though. What I do mind is everyone else though. See, when I was younger I was considered  "gifted". This pretty much means things come easy to me and I excelled in everything. I was active and I had the best grades and everyone had such high expectations. You may have guessed but other kids get jealous of this special attention. I didn't want to do anything with what I could do. Hell I wanted to go live in a forest like an elf. I have a weird obsession for them. Everyone was disappointed in this and always pushed me to do more. Even when I was super little, I was tormented by children with various forms or bullying and tormented by the adults as some one to pressure to death into what the were molding me to be. 

One day I just snapped. I went crazy. Mind you it is quite common for the gifted children or one's of high intelligence to go into depression and have mental disorders and stuff but not as bad as myself. Everyone knew of them but just pushed them to the side to get what they wanted from me. The children made me hate myself and the adults made me feel cursed with my supposed "gift". When i snapped it was at a random family gathering. I was getting all the special attention I hated so much and they were telling me of how great and successful I would be and how I was so smart. I'd heard all this a million times and didn't care nor believe it. I knew how I was going to end up and secretly they did too but were just trying to avoid it by doing anything they could. I resisted. I had been asked where I wanted to go to college. Hell I was 10 years old at the time and a very timid and quiet child and always did and answered and I rarely showed how angry or irritated i was. 

"Fuck you."

"Ecsuse me?"

"You heard me. You all heard me."

"Why you're so rude!" My aunt had exclaimed. It got everyone's attention at least. I froze up but knew that this very moment coud impact my life forever. If I went through with it, there would be no more questions and comments to me and about me, I could get a break and not be pressured to answer and make descions. I was going to do it. 

"Now that I have all your attention, I will give you a piece of my very intelligant yet delicate mind. I am 10 years old. I don't care about college and what I'm going to do with my ife. You've taken my entire chidhood and are taking everything else I can get ahead of me also. You've all ruled my whole entire life. And I'm done. I'm over it."

Their faces showed looks of confusion as I finished.

"I don't understand, Dear." My grandmother stated. She did though. They all knew what I meant. 

"Yes you do. Let me explain to you agian. I don't want anyone of you to ever think of my "gift" again. It sickens me. If I could give it away and be normal, I would. You all know I have no use for it and I won't do anything with it. We know everyone else if this god farsaken family will succeed, gifted or not. We know I am going to be a valuable failure. Just stop. I want no more talk about anything of this topic round me even if it isn't directed towards me. That is all. Treat me like a normal human being instead of some pet you can use for your own reasons and make a profit of me later. No more. Please." By now I was out of breathe from ranting. I'm now 16 years old and they still make an occasional attempt. I'm content in that area now. 

Having such an eventful childhood, along with nagging and irritating pressure, I was severely bullied. The children hated me because I was always picked for partner projects first because of my mind, the adults would talk to me in their talk often and i was just an odd little girl. This went on till now. Still. In elementary, I would get pushed and shoved and locked inside after school and just abused verbally also. It was terrible and I was diagnosed with atypical depression. I was on medication and had gone to therapy. I still do though now my symptomoms are rather controlled and I have my good days and my bad days. 

Though it was uncomforable most of the time, I had it off pretty well. I didn't have many people to talk to or things to do so I spend most of my time on the internet. I am a youtuber and am fairly popular. At least once a week I am stopped for pictures and autographs and things of that nature. I am on tumblr often and admin various facebook pages. You could just say that I'm big on the internet. When the people at school realized this, they were kissing ass as I would call them out on shit all the time. I have many internet friends but won't meet any of them anytime soon. I'm now in my second year of high school and it's my first day soon. 

I love music and such but hate talking about it. No one has ever heard of most the bands I like or they are the little emo/scene kids who think they're metal as shit listening to Black Veil Brides, BOTDF, SWS, PTV or AA. Thet assume because my hair is blue, I'm a scene kid and I'm an ass about it when they think I like their music or when they think I'm a genuine metalhead or anything. The more mainstream artists I like are Fall Out Boy, Panic! At the Disco and just now getting into the spotlight, Ghost Town. The ones I really love are Margot and the Nuclear So and So's, Arctic Monkeys, The Strokes and so many others.

I don't want to bore you any further than you already are with my bullshit. I'm probably going to sleep awaiting another year of horror and no friends. Oh joy.