A New Start

Through out life of my eyes

When I was in 6 grade that when I started to eat more. Before even told your too skiny eat something. So I started eating more junk food. Latter on people were calling me fat. What the hell I can be skinny and now I'm too fat. In 7 grade people pushed me down and said here little pig eat this candy why don't you. You know you are never going to be pretty. You should go live on the farm. Everyday it would be new people calling fat,pig,fucken cow and other things. In 8grade they all were saying I hope I don't go to the same school as the pig. Look at her she can be the fatist person on earth man. We should kick her into space. Oh wait she can't fit in the rocket. They would just point and laugh at me. At lunch they would this there lunch at me. Saying eat fuck cow. All this time I want to kill myself. But I didn't, I want to be a survier. I wasn't going to take my life . I know I can be strong. Strong independent girl or women later on I guess. By the end of 8 grade year I kept getting sick. Fainting , throwing up, and just could not breath. I also stop eating right. I was trying to lose weight again. So people can stop calling me those names. I just wanted them to stop. When high school came. I lost all the wieght when. I didn't put on any make up because it made me break out. I had glasses and sadly bracses. I was the nerd now, the good girl. I was the pimple face girl. The umpa lumpa . I was still getting bullies I didn't know what to do anymore. Even if I change people still make fun of me. Why does this happen to me. I have no. Clue. But life is a game you have to play by the rules of it. That what I tell myself every day. It just a game. But I know its not. I mean many thing can happen to me. By sophomore year people from my middle school were talking about me. They said rember when she didn't eat anything and she was skeleton. Ya then she gained all that weight she was the fatist person in school. Than she was still fat. I could hear it all over again. They told there new friends about me and how I was back then. And every time I walk down the halls of school they trip me, throw my books, or just said hey pimple girl. I just keep going. With my life. That was my day for the rest of my year. Jr year of high school everyone didn't know who I was because no one talk with me no one knew me . but I was invariable that year. No was talking about me. They know I was there but they just let me be. I felt so alone so I talk with some one and it didn't work out . they said get away from me you fat cow. I just couldnt take it any longer. I ran away from home that year. I really hope everyone thought I was dead or something. No one care.A week before I ran away I got most of my things in one bag. Just cloths and money I had saved up and other things. I went down to the DMV to get my name change but not my last name . it took a week before it got there. I was happy I was running away from this place. I didn't want to stay here. I was done with everyone. No one will look for me. This is freedom for me. I got in my car and drove off. I don't know where I'm going but I'm getting away. I went with a plastic surgen. Yes, I had to look pretty so all those people can stop calling me name. I got my nose done, I got implants , got my arms shiny and toned, got my belliy nice and fit , and last I got my butt done. Now I'm a real life fake person. When I'm a better I'm going back to the hell. Show off this body and my new face. Its a good thing I got better makeup and been watching YouTube. Now I need to get a job and then get new clothes. Life is hard on your own. Everyone might think its easy but its not. I have to pay rent,my cell phone bill and just too much things. But its my life for now. In a week I had a job at jack in the box. I went into work at 6am till 9 am. I was getting played good so I really didn't care. I guess I should tell you how I look now. I have black hair, green eyes, tan skin, and I'm very short and now skinny and have a great body. After a few months I could not pay my rent so they kisck me out. I had to quit my job to go back home. I was happy alone that no one knew me but, I'm also happy to go see my family. My mom,dad sister and brother. I wonder how they are going to react to me because I change so much. It took me hours to get back home. I didn't have money to stay in a hotel so I sleep I'm my car. The next morning I woke up and drove to my house. I knock on the door waiting for some one to answer me. After five minutes someone answer the door.
"Can I help you young lady?" Asked my mother.
"Mom its me, Ashley. I'm so happy to see mom." I said so happy.
"I'm sorry, please stop it I know you are not Ashley. Do you want money? Do you think just by coming up to my door acting like you know me would work!? Just go home and don't come back! I swar I had lots of girl come to my house saying this, and there a guy that just want the money! So just leave my house now." said my mother cry from frustration. I had this pain the ran all over my body my heart stop beating and I could not breath. My mother does not even know me. She thinks I'm here for the money. She thinks I'm a fake person trying to use her. But mother I'm right here! Your little girl! Why can't you tell its me !?
"Mom, I would never hurt you. Why can't you trust me? I'm your daughter." I said.
"JUST STOP! YOU ARE NOT HER ! GET OFF MY PROPERTY! I don't want to see you here ever again!" she said and slammed the door in my face. I ran to my car and started to cry my eyes out. Why can't my mother see its me? I'm right here! I can show her my old I'd so she can see I'm here that she don't have to worry. I got out of the car and knock on the door.
"I told you to leave!" She was till crying. I showed her my old I'd.
"This is fake I know its fack, many people try this ! Now go!" said my mother. I walk back to my car. I just sat there not having a clue why people want to act like me. She did say something about money. And I now I notice I had surgery on my face. I think that why she doesn't know who I am. This such I can't even be in my own house because I change that much. I need to show her. I can tell her the time I feel off my bike , I can tell her so many thing when I was small that no one knows. I hope this work or I have to be over here everyday to make her see I'm right in front of her.I went back . I knocked on the door.
"Mother please listen to me! I begg you. Stop. Look I know you were born in Mexico that your father hit you when you where younger. I know that my sister has a got married when she was 15 year old. I know lots of things mother. Just pleas look at me closly and you will see it me." i said. She just looked at me and didn't say a word. All she did was close the door in front of me. I guess my own mother doesn't want me. Because she doesn't even know its me. I fuck up big time. I got in my car and drove off to fine a apeement or a house I can live in. I didn't find one this time. It was all a lot of money I didn't have. So I had to sleep in my car the first night I got there. I went to the high school to sing up. I had to do all the paper work for myself. I never thought it would be different. I know now that people won't make fun of me because , well I look different and I'm not fat or too skinny so I have a good feeling. When I was done fulling in everything. I left the school to find a place were I can work. Sadly the only place I can work was at McDonald's . I really hate this food. Its so bad for your body. I heard so many bad things. But hey this was going to get me money and I need it for a place to live. Again I slept in my car. It was pretty scary this night. There where guys that try to brake in my car. They thought I was a prositues and they wanted business. My heart was beating fast. I turned on my car and drove off. I need to find a place and fast. I don't want to get raped or let anything happen to me. I started to cry after I stop at a new pot. I wanted to go home. I wanted my mom, dad ,sister and brother I miss them so much. That night I cryed myself to sleep. In the morning I had to get up. I need to shower to get myself clean up. I had to go to the circle K that was down the street. I was really getting low on money and I didn't work till next week. I went to the bathroom and grab napkins with soup and water to clean my self. That was my shower for the day. I brushed my teeth with my tooth brush. I washed my hair in the sink and dry my hair with the blow dry that was there. When I got out I was looking for what I should eat. I check how much money I had now. Only $3.00 left in my pocket. I ended up not getting anything to eat. If I have to save money I will not eat. I when around looking for a place to stay lucky I found one. It was a house that cost about $10,658 dolors. I didn't care. I had a home now. I didn't have a bed but that was okay. I was not scared of someone trying to get into my car. I felt nice and safe . I fell asleep on the cold floor. When I woke up I know I would be going to school soon. I kinda didn't want to, at the same time I wanted to go. I got up and got ready to go to my job. I had a week before I can started school. I would make at less a little more money. I can fine a new job later on. But at work everyone was rude. They didn't teach me how to cook the food. They end up making me a person that does the dishes and to clean the floors. At less I didn't have to clean the bathroom. But there were lots of spill I had to clean. Just fucken great. Also stupid people wrote in ketchup on the tables. I really hate this job. But I have to make money to pay my house. The funny part its my first day at work. I work part time. Well school is going to start soon. I just tell myself why the fuck I did this. Why did I have to run always? If I didn't I would more likely be dead. Well its life, and its hard for me. I have to now grow up when I don't want to. I got back to work. Thinking and cleaning. I don't know what people are going to think of me at school. Will I be a hot girl that every guy wants or would I'm I going to be the want be popular kid. I have no clue how its going to start. But all I know is I might as well try to get along with everyone. Even with the people that that called me names. As I was finishing clean all the tables. The other people that work there told me to close.
"Hey it my first time fucken working! You guys have been here more than I have." I said.
"Well learn how to fucken close today. The money goes in the back putbit were all the cups are. Then make sure everything is off. And lock the doors. And count the money. That all you have to do."said the girl.
"Well if its that easy than you can do it. All you guys are leaving when there still more things to do. I can't do this all by myself!"
"Ya you can. See ya." She said and walk off. Fucken kiding me. Just great . I clean the rest and turn off everything. When I hear the front door bell ring. I guess someone forgot something. I went to check. It was a guy.
"Hello anyone here!?" Said the guy.
I walk beside the counter.
"Sir the restreont is close can you leave pleas." I said nicely
" I want food through."
"Ya but we are close please leave." He pulled out a gun.
"Nah I don't want any fucken food . give me all the money. NOW!" oh fuck! I'm so going to die right here right now. Ya great. My first time getting robed and working. This sucks, on my first day. Oh my gosh I'm going to fucken die.
"Sir pleas put the gun down and I will give you the money." I said in a panicking voice.
"Do you think I'm stupid ? Give me the fucken money or I will shoot your face!" I took out the money from cash register and give the guy the money. The weird part he didn't have a bag. Then when I gave him all the money from one cash register he ran out the door. I thank God he didn't hurt me. All I did for the night was go home and lock the doors. When I got home started to cry. I miss my old house ,my family,my pool,my dog Mime and being in my own room. Now I live in a house by myself, not even happy and just feel stupid for running away. I don't know what to do. I miss everything. I feel so hopeless. There no one there to support me, the only support I had was from my family , which I dont have anymore. I have no one , not even one person. I just wish I had my old life back then I would not have to worry about anything and have my family at my side. But NOOO! I made a chose on to change how I look. So, I can be pretty and be with the cool kids. what should I do?

The next day I had to go to work. My boss was not happy that there was no money but, it was not my fault. It could have happen to anyone.

"Courtney what happen here?!" said my boss.

"Well you see, the other people left and I was still cleaning and then this guy came in with a gun and was going to kill me if I didnt give him the money that was in the resgister . I had to give the money to the guy, I didnt want to die. I didnt call the police because, I didnt see the guys face he had it covered. Im so sorry boss. But I know you would have done the same if it happen to you." I saied nervouly.

" You knew what it okay. Did you say that the other worker left and made you close?"

"Yes sir."

"Okay , thank you for telling me. You can have a day off. Go, before I change my mined on giving you the day off." said my boss. I was so happy , I didnt have to work and I get to relax yes!

" Thank you sir. This mean alot to me." I said walking out the door. Well I need someone to help me pay part of my house. I just notic I dont really have a lot of money. So, now let put a post on ebay or creglist idk which one does this things. My life is a mess. I put my hands on my face and slid them down and I made a big sign. That said,

" Need a roommate, that can pay half the rent. Rent is about $150 each. So pleas call this number right below. (623) 465-5469. Thank you have a nice day."

Well I hope, I get someone nice and not rude. I just hope someone calls soon. I don't want to wait long. What happen if its a guy? Do I let him be my roommate or should I say only girls? I don't know. I guess just as long as they can pay rent. That all I'm hoping for. Omg I'm going to start school soon. My axsity is kicking in, I have no clue if I can go back . what if they know I'm fach and they know I'm the girl they called fat . I hope not, I would not want them calling me facke because I got my body and face done. Like why does this happen to me.I should like try not to worry. Because if my mom didn't know who I was , I'm pretty sure no one will rembere about me. Or think that they know me. The days pass and still no call came in for the roomate. Now the day has came where I go to school. It was a Monday morning. They had a student show me my classes even though I know were everything is.
"So here is your first class and it is English 4 F BUILDING " said the girl.
"Thank you for helping me out. " I said .
"Yep. And I'm going to come pick you up for your next class. Just in case if you forget."
"Ya that would be great." I said .
"Okay see ya."
"Bye" I said. I walk in the class everyone was looking at me. Fuck they can see me. I want to be unseen . why do people do this to me. I hate when people look at me. I gave the teacher the pass I got from the office.
"Hey everyone we got a new student . Her name is Courtney. Tell us about your self. Just just your name and what you like to do." Said the teacher. I really do t want to talk . I hate being in front of people.
" Hi my name is Courtney , I like to draw , play videogames and play volleyball. " I said.
"Thank you now you can take a set by Joe. Joe places raise your hand." Said the teacher.The guy raised his hand . I walk to the guy. Then I saw the set next to him. I sat down and took out a notebook to take notes. The guy that is name Joe is cute . I wonder how many people are going to be my friend. Will they like me. I have no clue. But I have to be cool and make friends. Because if I don't I will just be a person that goes to school that no one will know.
"Hey I'm Courtney, " I said.
"Ummm hi I'm Joe" he said. After that we didn't talk because I was busy doing my school work. And well Joe was just on his phone not giving a fuck about what is going on in class. After I got my work done and I started to talk with Joe.
"Hey sents I'm new you want to show me were my other class is?" I asked
"Ummm I can't sorry I have to get to my class. Even though I don't give a fuck about them." He said.
"Oh okay." I said. I got to my second class it was college algebra . which sucked ass. Joe is a stupid ass . Like why the hell do I look good and this guy didn't want to help me. I could give him a good bj if I wanted too . But I'm not because he is a ass hole.