Essay Help! Critiques Welcome

Something Felt Different (part 1)

Topic: Write a story which includes the line, "As I stepped through the front door something felt different."

As I stepped through the front door something felt different. I looked down at Sir Snuggles to see if he knew what had occured. However his button eyes simply looked up at me in confusion.

Mrs. Sherman came in after me with my bookbag. She to knitted her eyebrows in confusion. Her eyes grew wide as they rested upon the single lit candle on the cedar table.

She let out an exasperated breath, which resulted in me getting saliva all over my upturned face.

She gave me my usual kiss on the fore head and left to carry the other children home.

As she walked out she called upon God many times to help me but I did not know why I needed help or why God had not answered after so many calls.

It was then that I saw him descending the staircase. I held onto Sir Snuggles even tighter as I took in his appearance.

He was still short and fubsy with a light beard. However it was the grim expression on his face that transformed his entire aura.

His eyes held no light and seemed to have been washed too many times for they were red. But not a beautiful apple red, no his eyes were the color you would imagine the devil to be. His tossled hair swooshed this and that way like the waves of troubled waters.

Upon reaching me I became an extension of him. He picked me up and held onto me as though I would vanish at any second.

It was then that he cried out the troubles of his heart.

In a muffled cry he proclaimed that mother's heart had attacked her.

I could not understand, why would her own heart attack her?

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Hey critic criters I hope you enjoyed the first part of my essay.

This essay is actually the one I wrote for my mock exams.

Let me know what you think and remember constructive criticism is always welcomed.

:)