Multiple Man

CHAPTER 1: no reason

Narrator: to tell you guys the truth I honestly can't tell if this dude is a hero or a villian. I can't even tell of he's the protagonist or antagonist of this story, but here he is strapped to a chair and being threatened by two gangsters with bats. They weren't playing any games, They wanted to know how he found them and why. So listen up and take notes because nobody wants to end up like this guy.

(It begins here dudes)

Man isn't life so funny? One second you could be playing football with your friends and the next second you could get hit by a car. It's like that really bad show you enjoyed for no apparent reason, and of course that show always abruptly ends when you least expect it.

"Ha ha! Get it? That's the death part."

Anyways you punks want to know about my despicable life so I should tell you about it, and oh the names Max, Max Innocent.

One of the gangsters smashed his bat against a nearby wall, breaking the tip off. He then pointed the now jagged tip of the bat right at Max's face and said to Max in a deep Hispanic accent.

"We don't have all day motherfucker."

Max put his hand up and said "geez I'm homeless and I'm not as aggressive as you"

Max took a deep breath and decided to tell these thugs about how he got here.
........................................................................

It was like any other day, Florida was having bipolar weather as usual. Where else in the world does it rain but there isn't a cloud in the sky and it's about 1000 fucking degrees?

Only Florida baby!!

So there I was in Miami drenched to the bone and I was headed to a place where I was sure to get tons of cash donations.

A nerd convention!

I found a flier about some type of anume or aneeme convention going on inside of this huge building used for public events. I decided to go and mooch off of some nerds.

So it's the end of the convention im sitting on the floor leaning on the wall and my beanie is fucking filled with cash these kids were filthy rich. That's when this group of kids and a teacher decide to stand in front of me and talk loudly to each other.

So you already know I'm a pretty rude guy. These kids were dressed up as weird ass characters man, and like half of them were super fat. I think they were a part of some type of drawing club at their school or some shit.

So I would've already lost my patience and say the rudest things to these kids but they just looked awful. Not "aww man I just got beat up" awful, more like "god left me unfinished awful."

These kids looked ready to commit suicide at any time. I would've left em alone if it wasn't for one of em getting pushed playfully and falling onto my beanie spreading all my cash onto the floor.

So I called the girl that fell on my shit a stupid fucking nerd cow. The girl that pushed her got all defensive for some reason. She put her hands up in a stop pose and said "hey man calm down I'm sorry."

I wasn't having any of that shit and said to the girl "kill yourself or roll away you fat piece of shit." The girls eyes changed from surprised to sad and her voice broke as she sadly said "hey man-" she never got to finish because she started sobbing.

What a crybaby? Am I right?

So then a short skinny black kid pointed a finger at me and yelled "don't talk like that to my friends you fucking bum."

I'm not gonna lie to you I probably stepped out of line here but a bum is the worst thing you could call a homeless person. I fucking hated being called a bum. I walked up to this kid grabbed his shirt, and looked handsomely into his eyes.

I felt like we had a little moment when we stared into each others eyes.

But anyways, I spit on this kids face. That's exactly when everything got weird, and probably when my life got even worse.

So I blacked out for like five seconds and when I came to I was shorter blacker and I had an afro.

I had become the little black kid.

After my mind was fucking blown I noticed that my normal body was just slumped over on the ground in front of me. The kids were saying things like

"Let's beat his ass up while we still can!" or "we should take his fucking money!"

These kids were actually planning to jump a homeless guy then steal his money, they were heartless I'm tellin ya. I jumped into action in my new little black body, I put my new body in front of my slumped over one, spread out my arms, and yelled out "Ey guys don't mess with this dude he's fucking homeless!!!" The group shuffled nervously for a few seconds at the mentioning of the word "homeless" but they finally made up their mind and gave up.

For the rest of the day I ruined this kids life, I whispered in the ears of all his fellow female anuume club members "I need your pussy right now."

I expected most of them to say no or something like that but a lot of the kids just laughed it off. They weren't even offended.

I never even went to his house. I just slept in a garbage can for the night, not being in my body was honestly one of the funniest things I've ever done, and to be honest I did it a shit ton of tines again. That's the moment I decided to take control of whoever's body I wanted to and use them to boost my financial standing.

When I woke up I was back in my body and my money had been stolen by some bum. I wasn't even mad now though because I could afford to myself with this new power.

Max looked up at the gangsters to say

"I stole tons of peoples bodies for a day and ruined their lives but I guess I switched into the wrong body this time because you guys were after him."

The gangsters looked at Max with a face like they had just eaten a bad piece of candy.

The one with the bat used it to smack Max's borrowed body across the face. Max got groggy and slowly closed his eyes as he passed out.

The darkness he was seeing was interrupted by a blinding light in front of him.

"Wow I'm dying.....FINALLY!" he enthusiastically thought to himself, but in reality Max was just lying on a sidewalk in the middle of nowhere while staring at a lightpole.

"Damnit!" He yelled out annoyed and aggrivated.