Never Different

Prologue

His hand thrusts toward my neck , gripping it angrily . I blew the loose strands of my hair up .

"This isn't my fault . I told you , I warned you . You promised me , you fucking promised but you did it anyways . You hurt me . You became everything you promised me you wouldn't . You lied , you cheated , and you expect me just to sit around for this shit ? Are you kidding me ." My voice broke. "Jilio, you are pretending to be this horrible guy . But you aren't and I saw that . Are you really this stupid or am I . I love you - no matter how hard I pray for me to wake up and say fuck you . I love you . But you can't love me . Or is it you don't love yourself . What ever it is you don't deserve me . I don't deserve to be treated like this . " By the end my eyes were drawn to the ground and my voice was bkarely audible .

"Lana , I do ." His grip loosened .

"You don't , but this is my fault ..." I finally accepted the facts . We weren't meant to be. "Cause I believed in you . My father said I should stop believing in people so much and I did . But you ... You , I felt compelled ... You were this ray of sunshine that out shined those shadows in my life . Only ... Once those shadows were out shined , you became this new shade . Dimming the very same brightness you brought in ."

His hand was no longer wrapped around my throat , instead they both found a new location . They slid their way down my arm and held my wrist gently .

"La..." I cut him off .

"No , let me finish ." I inhaled deeply , using the fresh oxygen to push out the hardest words . Words Jilio made me say . Words he needed to hear . " You were the best thing in my life this year , you brought out this fun , wild , sexy , yet still very much valued the smart and innocent side of me as well . You showed me the stars at a new point of view and gave them a new meaning . You made me stop pretending to be 'Amazing Amy' . But , Jilio , you've been pretending . You've shown me your true self and then you hid again . What do you expect me to do ? This isn't you . You aren't evil , you aren't a cheat , you aren't a liar . But you did this to me . And that goes against everything you truly are . You're mother would have been proud of your heart , but not that hard shell you have locking it away ." I placed my palm his check and his emerald green eyes , trailed to mine revealing Jilio for his true self . They were reading vulnerable and pain . "I love you , but you've hurt me . I let down my wall for you and you hurt me . You've been in my home , read my most personal writings , and I've given my heart to you . And you slept with Natalia , you let her kiss the lips that you promised were only for me . You let her fill the arms that you promised to only hold me . And you promised that no one else would have you , but she did . Was it really worth it ? Was she worth losing someone who knew you for you and still treasured you're dimmed soul ?"

He was in full on tears ," Lana , I'm sorry . It was an mistake . I don't want anyone else . I only want you ... I only need you ."

My tears eased as my heart lit with hope . "The say it .... Jilio , tell me . If you tell me now . Tell me you love me ... I promise you I'll forgive you ... I'll forget but you have to say it to me . If you don't I'll leave and you won't have to worry about me anymore . "

"I ... I ..." His eyes dropped to the ground . " I can't ."

The inhale from early was released now . It was laced with disappointment , hurt and most of all ... My heart . "I knew it ." With that I slipped past Jilio , climbed down from the roof , and made my way to my apartment .

The whole way I've managed to numb the burned ache that weighed heavy on my heart but once back into my hell hole of a home , a inhuman scream was released . Once the anger was out , the hurt took its turn and the floodgates opened ... My world was once again full of shadows because my sun became the night with no moon .