Four months have passed and I've been getting paranoid. I feel like the realshionship is one sided. I'm always the one who says "I love you" first. I'm the one who wants to show affection. Even thought she saids she loves me I feel the hesitence. I wish I could change all of this. All of my feelings. I tell people how I feel and it goes in one ear and out the other. Am I supost to feel this bad? I'm in love! Please never forget that, I love her. She's my everything. She is abosutly my while world but Not that long ago I was told I have Lupus, a illness that is not cureable and all I want is to know everything will be okay, with her and in life. with all this stress I don't know what to do anymore. Am I the one who has to say Sorry for something I didn't have anything to do with? I really wish evrything gets better but I don't know where to go from here. I love her I don't want to lose her. People keep telling me we shouldnt see each other anymore but they don't feel the samethings I do. I got hurt before and this by fair hurts the worst. I messed everything up by asking a question. The awnser I didn't want popped up. I cryed for hours when I saw it I couldn't believe it. I couldn't comprehend what just happend. Why does it hurt this bad? I just don't know. All I know is I hope I don't have to write the final chapter of this story so soon.
