He Never Knew

Chapter 10

Jeffrey sat in his room, crying.  He wondered whether or not people knew when they were going to die, like animals do.  He wondered what it was like to die. Did Tyler miss everyone as much as they missed him?  Was there something beyond death?

Jeffrey didn't know.  He vaguely saw that his mother was leaving him a plate of food, but he wasn't hungry.  He tried to remember what Tyler looked like the last time he had seen him.  He remembered that he hadn't been hooked up to an oxygen tank, like he was supposed to.  

He didn't want to remember how still Tyler had looked in a casket, how the oak finish contrasted his pale skin, or how peacefully Tyler had laid, as if he were sleeping.  It almost looked as if he were sleeping.  Jeffrey wanted him to be sleeping so badly.  He wished that he would just wake up.

He glanced up; Cara walked up to him and sat down.  She didn't say anything, just put her arm around him.  He leaned his head on her shoulder and cried.  Tears welled and ran down his cheeks like raindrops cleansing him of his sorrow.  They sat in silence for a few minutes, happy for each other's company.

Part of growing up is saying goodbye to people you truly love.  Jeffrey knew that this was just another piece of the puzzle that's called life.  That didn' t mean he had to accept it.

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Jeffrey practiced guitar almost every day.  He had never pursued anything as passionately nor recklessly as music.  He knew that he wanted to make music for the rest of his life.  He had never been more certain of anything. He loved music more than he loved Cara. 

Maybe it was meant to be.  He and Cara had been growing increasingly distant for a little while.  Her junior year was weighed down with prom committee and AP classes, softball practice and drama rehearsal, and whatever was happening at her mom's house. She had grown distant from all of her friends.  She never talked to people anymore.  She had even mentioned moving in with her dad in California.

Jeffrey had given her space, but he knew that deep down she would make the final decision.  Her courage and power would drive her through it all, and at the end of her junior year, she decided to stay with her dad for the summer, something that she hadn't done since she was in sixth grade.

Jeffrey, now with no friends around, didn't know what to do with all his time, so he turned to music for guidance.  After a few weeks of singing and playing, he decided to record a song.  Cara had taught him how to record all the instruments and his voice for the best quality and how to edit the sounds together.  

The first few recordings were rough.  Honestly, they sucked.  He listened to them with disdain masking his face.  He had thought that he could actually do something by himself.  No, it wouldn't be the case.  Even though the recordings were terrible, he kept trying.  He needed to hang onto one dream, and music seemed to be the only fathomable idea running around in his head.  

He recorded and rerecorded until, finally, he actually liked on of his songs.  It was far from perfect but he was happy enough with it to post it to YouTube.  He made more songs, and, eventually, they started getting views.

That summer closed and autumn winds filled the air.