I stormed out of his house into my car as he ran behind me. I opened the door of my car and slammed it shut. ''Jess..wait !'' He yelled out. I didnt turn to look I just drove off. I saw how his face was red and how the tears he never cried before dripped down to his cheeks. He was never emotional..He was just a little boy hidding behind a dark wall that held inside all his feelings.I turned again to look at him one last time . He was running. Chasing the car. When he came to a stop, I drove faster. I drove and drove until I couldnt take it.Finnally I stopped and I cried. I knew I screwed up.. I knew he screwed up. We just couldnt forgive eachother.
I went into my bedroom and locked the door. I couldnt take the pain. The emotions building in my soul. I bursted out crying. I threw myself onto my bed and covered my face with the pillow trying to stop. I just couldn't. I got up and pulled my phone out of my back pocket. '' I hate myself.'' I said softly as I went to my phones gallery. I looked at all the pictures. The momories. I felt my heart shaking past my chest. I hit the delete button and I felt accomplished. Like I was free from him...From us. I then stopped and remembered. The first day he said it. Those three words.
Thursday, Sept 09 , 2010
We were in Biology. We were talking about organelles and how they function and it was funny to us. We were freshman. Still childish. Laughing at everything. ''So..You know what functions my heart.'' He said as he starred into my eyes.'' I turned to him and smiled. ''Yea..What makes your heart function.'' I said as I laughed expecting him to say something funny. He looked at me with a serious face and said ''You.'' I was shocked and shy. I wasnt at all used to him or comfortable towards him. I wasn't that kind of girl to take things serious. I was a joker and shy when it came to boys. I didnt know whether I should laugh or smile back..or even reply. It was akward. When he saw that I wasnt going to reply He luaghed. Pretending he was jocking. In wich I beleived considering the fact that he didnt ever really ask me out or tell me about myself. He never said ''Hey..your beautiful.'' or ''I want to spend the rest of my life with you'' He wasnt at all the type of guy girls would dream about. He was hot. He just wasnt a relational type. I luaghed back at him as he started to raise his hand. I knew he was just trying to avoid my action. For a second there. i actually thought he likes me.
After Biology he grabbed my arm pulling me back slowly before i got away. ''Hey..'' He said softly. I turned at his shocked at our position and said '' Yea..Whats up.'' He luaghed and grabbed my hand and ran down the hall. I ran with him as I luaghed along. We were holding hands. I thought it would be the closest to a romantic moment we ever will or have had so I got the best of it. We came to a stop by the gymnasiun door. ''You sure you wanna do this.'' He said. I looked back seeing if any teachers were watching and replied. ''Yea..Lets do it.'' We entered the gymnasium and went toward the cardio room. ''Follow me. '' He said as he entered the cardio room. We entered and he went towards the balls and told me. ''Catch.'' As he quickly threw the ball at me. We started throwing them back and forth as we laughed and ended up falling on eachother. My back was on his bally and our legs were layed upon eachother. I got up thinking maybe he was uncomfortable with the position. ''No..Stay.'' He said as he pulled me back. I smiled. i was happy we could finnaly have one of our romantic moments.
We sat there talkiing. ''So...whats your favorite color.'' He said to me as I brushed back his hair. '' We...I would say green but some people find it boring..So...Lavender.'' I replied. He pulled away from me and grabbed a ball and threw it at me. ''Haha. What an ugly color..Its worser than green.'' I chuckled and started chasing him around the gymnasium and then I finnaly caught him. When I did he reversed it and had me pressed against the wall. We looked into eachothers eyes and showed no expression. ''Maybe we should get back to class.'' i said. He brushed my hair back and smiled. Then he brushed his lips on mine as we kissed. Then he stopped me.. ''Jess..'' He said as he held my hands. ''Yea..'' I said softly. He pulled hisself closer to me and took a deep breathe and said. ''I never told anyone this so it'll be hard,'' I looked to the side knowing what he was going to say and he said it. ''I love you.''
That was the day his heart started beating and the day mine went on and off. The day that started this...This BiPolar love.
