Cravings || h.s

zero.

   Traffic with no end lingered on the busy streets. Cars honked as thousands of people spoke at the same time, different languages filling her ears as she walked past diverse groups. Bumping into everyone is normal, the sidewalks crowded with barely any space to move freely. 

As per usual, New York City is busy. 

The wind howled loudly, pitching in to the already loud atmosphere, blowing her hair in every direction. It is a Friday afternoon in September, the day slightly clouded with a chilly breeze. No one seemed to mind the cold, as the day seemed to be a great one. People in and out of stores, carrying large amount of shopping bags with smiles on their faces. 

It isn't the same for Rosalinda. The day is anything but great.

A lump formed in her throat, never leaving despite her attempt of clearing it. Her eyes watered, not knowing if it was a cause of the wind or the emotions that built inside of her. Her mind was just as busy as the streets of the city, thoughts roaming through her head, making sure she was ready for what was to happen. 

She passed a cafe, the smell of coffee filling her nostrils, warming her up slightly.  The odor made her want to forget what her plan was, get a cup of coffee and shelter herself inside the shop. Coffee, in her opinion, made her feel so much better. Though she doubts that it will be any help in this case. 

She reached the building she intended to be at, rolling her shoulders as she prepared herself. Her hand reached for the door but paused once she gripped the handle. She mentally prepared herself for the past couple of days, lecturing herself to do the right thing... but the right thing felt wrong. 

After taking a breather, she gave in and entered the familiar building, her hands now shoved into the pockets of her coat. The warmth of the building engulfed her body and now, she felt suffocated. 

Mumbling to herself, she stepped onto the elevator, not realizing that other people had entered with her. "I need to talk to you," She stated out loud, staring at the buttons. That doesn't sound right. "We need to talk..."  

No. "I have something to tell you, so you need to listen." That sounded rough. She tried putting all of the words together to form a starting sentence for once she saw him. Though at this point, there wasn't a point in preparing. It didn't matter how she got the news across cause either way, it is going to be devastating saying it to his face. 

Unless the outcome is different. God, she is hoping for the different. 

Her heart clenched at the thought of his face. What if the person she knows, the one who struggles in showing any true emotions. The one who lives life with no care and the one that is never tied down by any commitment. Would any of this even matter to him? Would any of it affect him the same way it is affecting her? The way it is tearing her heart into pieces and her mind on the verge of explosion.

She is conflicted. Does she want him to be emotionless or for him to care? To care. She wants him to speak up any feelings he has towards the situation, express himself to her like he has never before. That is what she wants. 

"I don't how to say it-" The elevator dinged open, the sound dragging her out of her own mind. Before she made a move to walk out, a person walked out before her, sending her a judgmental but sympathetic look. Of course he thought she's crazy. Maybe she really is. She stepped out of the elevator, the door shutting behind her. 

The hallway was long, but not long enough for her to grow a pair. 

The aftermath is what scared her the most. The thought of having relief and a better conscious does sound good, right? Though for her, she couldn't deal with the pain that would come from it. She has a strong connection with him that the bond, the perhaps one sided bond, is something she didn't want to lose.