i badly need a salad and some cartoons, after being bed for so long i can finally get off my ass and walk around. after a while i sat on my reading chair. im not ready to be off my ass walking around..i only made it to my chair cause its right across from my bed..and it happens to be in the same room. but hey the point is i got out my bed and struggled a little while sam stood there LAUGHING his ass off.
Days passed by and I had hard work at moving around, and had more hard work at putting shoes on. Now that was a bitch to do. I tired to get some reading done but I'm on a readers block cause I been on the same page for three hours now, not in the mood to watch anything I just wanna read but can't, I really hate when i get readers block it is the worst thing. the dogs come in the room with his leash..... I call for Sam but no answer. Looks like I'm going outside with.. Other humans, gross. I my best to walk to the balcony, i see everyone on the deck enjoying life and im up in my room being a sour fuck. Days pass by and I do nothing but hide away from people and everything. Most days people come and go, check on me, see if I need anything. I don't but it's nice to know if I wanted pickles I could have a millions jars by now, and it still wouldn't be enough pickels. Sam has hardly been around, same as my sister, but when she gets home she tells me her day and if anything exciting happened of course nothing ever did. Sams around when he can be but not when he should be, I don't wanna sound to needy but I could really use hime around. No, no. I need him around, he should be here with me, he should be holding my hand when I cry from all the pain, should be here to hold my hair when I need to throw up from all the meds. But he's not, he hardly ever is. My brothers like to say it cause he's working long hours or something big happened and it's gonna take a while, I should call or text. But I won't. I won't talk to anyone in the next couple weeks probably months, it's nothing against anyone I swear. I'm just not in the mood for small talk and questions about how things are going and when I'm going to back to work. The days when someone wants to see me I'll tell my sister I'm in to much pain for talking and another time I'll see them, just so I don't habe to talk with anyone. My brother said it might be good to talk with someone, he's worried about me, thinks I'm holding something in and it could come out any moment. Truth is, he's right. But I'm not ready to talk about it I don't even know where to start, or how to bring it up without wanting to scream my frustrations out. This feeling I have I need to get it out but I don't know how, and it's killing me I feel like I have no one to talk to about.
