Enternal Damages

Mirror Treatment

My relationship with my grandfather drastically changed from discipline to punishment that grew out of control. It became so bad at times, I had no strength to crawl away- even it meant saving my life. As a small child, i probably had a voice that carried farther than others. I also had the unfortunate luck getting caught at mischief, even though my cousins were committing the same 'crime"  In the Beginning, I was put in the corner of our bedroom, By this time I had become afraid of my grandmother for more than one reason, Very afraid, I never asked him to come out, I would sit and wait until one of my cousins would ask him if Michael can come out and play. About this time, My grandfather behavior would change radically. At times when my parents were at work, He would spend the day on the couch and only got up for another drink or to make something to eat, or my fear, 'to play the game", When he was tired of the corner punishment for me- spilling milk on the counter or don't obey his orders,  I graduated  to the "mirror treatment"  In the beginning, it was a no-notice of punishment. Grandfather would simply grab my face and smash it against the mirror,

 smearing my tear-streaked face on the slick, reflective glass Then he would order me to say over and over again, I'm a bad boy!, I'm a bad boy!. I was then forced To stand, staring into the mirror. i would stand there with my hands locked to my sides. weaving back and forth, dreading the moment when a television commercial aired. I knew Gerald would be stomping the down the hall to  see if my face was still against the mirror, and tell me what an sickening child i was. Whenever Johnny and Scotty came into the room saw me staring into the mirror, they would look at me, shrug their shoulders. acted like I wasn't there. At first i was jealous but then realized only reason they did it is two save their own skins. While my parents were at work, Grandfather would often yell and scream while forcing my cousin's and I to search the entire house for something he had lost. The quest usually started in the morning and lasted for hours. After a while, I was usually sent to search the garage which was under part of the house- like a basement. Even there. I trembled upon hearing Grandfather scream at one of my cousins. The searches continued for months, and finally, i was the only one singled out to look for his things. Once, I forgot what I was looking for. When I timidly asked him what it was that I was to find.  Michael i want you to fetch me another beer from the fridge, I nodded, Before i could turn away him, Grandfather smacked me in the face. He was lying on the coach  and he didn't stop watching his television show. Blood  gushed from my nose and I began to cry. He snatched a napkin from his table and tore a piece of it and rammed it up my nose.  "That will teach you to obey my orders! He screamed. Now Go get my damn beer!   As a small child, I realized he was different as night and day when my parents were around because it meant no beatings, no mirror treatment, and best of all, no playing the game. When my Father was around, i followed him like a lost puppy, Whenever he went into the garage to work a project I followed him, When he sat in his favorite chair to read the newspaper. I parked myself at his feet In the evenings, after the dinner dishes has been cleared from the table Mother would wash them and I would dry them. i knew as long as I stood by their side I would be safe no harm would come to me.

One day before Father left for work, I received a dreadful shock. After he said goodbye to scotty. he knelt down, held my shoulders tightly  and told me to be a "good boy" My grandfather stood behind him with his arms folded across his chest, and an evil smirk on his face. I looked into my fathers eyes and knew right then "I was a bad boy" An ice-cold feeling rushed through my entire body. I wanted to hold on to him and never let go. Before I could give Father a hug, He stood up and walked out the door without saying another word. I thought I could bury the bad times. I was wrong the bad times were only the beginning.

A month or two later, On a Sunday, While my Parents were at work my cousins and I was playing in my bedroom When we heard our grandfather rushed down the hall, yelling at us. The boys ran for cover in the living room. I instantly sat in my chair. with both arms stretched out and raised, Gerald came at me. As he came closer and closer I backed my chair against the wall Soon, my head touched the wall, Grandfathers eyes were glazed and red, and his breath smelt like booze I tried to protect my face with my hands but he will just knock them down, as he punches me in the stomach and spit on my face, "All I wanted to do is Murder Him" His punches seemed to last forever. I snaked my right arm up to cover my face. As he jerked violently, I heard something pop, and felt a intense pain in my shoulder and arm. The startled look on Grandfather's face told me that he had heard the sound, too, but he released his grip on my arm, and turned and walked away like if nothing had happened. I cradled my arm as it began throb with pain. Before I could actually inspect my arm, Grandfather summoned me to dinner.

    I plopped down at a TV try to eat, As I reached for a glass of milk, my left arm did not respond. My fingers twitched upon command,, But my arm tingled and become lifeless. I looked at Grandfather, but he ignored me, I knew something was really wrong, But I was too afraid to utter a word. I simply sat there, staring at my tray of food, Grandfather finally excused me and sent me to bed early, telling me to sleep in the top bunk. This was unusual because I always slept on the bottom.

    Sometime near morning I finally fell asleep, with my left arm carefully cradled in the other.

    I hadn't slept long when Grandfather awakened me, explaining that I had rolled out of the top bunk during the night.  He seemed deeply concerned about my condition, as he drove me to the hospital. When he told the doctor about my all from the top bunk bed, I could tell by the look he gave me that he knew my injury was no accident. Again, I was too afraid to speak up. At home, Grandfather made up  an even more dramatic story for my parents. In the new version, Grandfather included her efforts to catch me before I hit the floor. As I sat in my mothers lap, I was listening to my grandfathers lies he was telling to my parents., I knew my grandfather was sick. But my fear kept our "accident"  our secret. I knew if I ever told anyone the next "accident" would be worse.School was a haven for me. I was thrilled to be away from the mad man, At recess I was a wild man. I blitzed through the bark-covered playground, looking for new, adventurous things to do. I made new friends easily and felt so happy to be at school because no harm was done.

One day in late spring, When i returned home from school, grandfather threw me into the bedroom He then yelled at me, stating i should be held back from the first grade because i was an outcast to the human race. I did not understand what  he meant. I knew I had more happy face papers than anybody in the class. But Gerald continued to roar that I shamed the family and I was going to be severely punished. He decided I was banned from watching television.