adjacent ➵ tronnor

abnormal

Connor isn't sure how long exactly it's been when Lilly snaps him out of the trance he's in; she snaps her fingers near his face several times and calls out his name to grab his attention, and he drifts back into reality. His mind is still a bit of a mess — filled relentlessly with words from Troye, Troye, Troye. . .

He claws his mind away from the blue-eyed boy and focuses on Lilly. "Huh?" he says simply, realising that he hadn't yet responded to her saying his name. He blushes slightly because of this.

Lilly sighs, "You zoned out." She pauses for a moment, but continues to speak, "What's his deal, then?" Her words are spoken quietly yet coherently, as if she knows that talking too loud would result in Troye hearing it all again, aware of the consequences if it were to happen again.

Connor snorts, "As if I'd know. Kid's tripping me out. It's weird, like, whenever he's not on my case, my mind tricks me into thinking he is. He's a fucking virus I can't get away from." He feels mean having referred to him as a 'virus' even though everything he's done has indeed been the result of Connor's actions, so really, it was perfectly justifiable. But despite that, he still feels like he's sort of the victim here. (He also feels slightly bad for calling him a kid, too, because he knows perfectly well he's twenty and not six.)

"I didn't know viruses could have sex every night for. . . what? A week straight?" Lilly jokes in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Connor stifles a smile, "OK, that was bad," he comments. Lilly nods in agreement.

"Perhaps, but. . ." she trails off, hesitating to carry on.

"What?"

"Does he. . . do you. . . do you like him?" she asks, her words stumbled upon and hushed, but their meaning clear as day.

Connor's taken aback slightly (read: a lot). Does he? Well, he hasn't really thought about it. Yes, in a physical way, he was attracted to Troye, but as for personality. . .

Troye is witty, humorous, musical and mysterious — his character obviously has several layers to it, and Connor would be lying to say that deep down he wants to know them all. Connor can't deny that if he/Lilly hadn't fucked up and they were on good terms, Troye would show his kinder and more gentle side to him; perhaps someday he'd get that back. He also knows that Troye's confident in his words, and is passionate about the things he loves — even if said things are to do with arguing and fucking.

Yes, Connor wants to say. Yes, I think I do like him.

"No," he says, and though he tries to make his words seem sure, uncertainty lingers in the air once his words have came out. Lilly catches onto this — at least, her expression implies she has.

"Sure you don't," she quips, sarcasm clear in her tone. Yeah, Connor thinks, she's definitely caught on.

Connor gasps and raises his hand to his mouth in mock offence and laughs. "Lilly," he starts, "I swear I don't like him." Blatant lie.

"Fine, I believe you, all right?" Connor can't say he's convinced by her words (albeit if he were in her position, he would've said it with the same amount of doubt, if not more), but nods in response regardless.

"What makes you think I do, can I ask?"

Lilly shrugs. "I don't know," she says, though Connor knows that there's a true reason. He raises his eyebrows, prompting her to elaborate, and she sighs, obliging. "Just how you interact with him in general, I suppose. The way you look at him. The way you talk to him. I don't know, I'm not good at this."

Connor laughs, "Neither am I. But, all right. I was just curious."

He makes a mental note to himself to try and control the way he looks and talks to him, so that Troye won't catch on either.

But what if he already has?