Dancing For You

My Role Model

Dancing is a way to physically and mentally calm yourself through the moves you make and express. People always ask me "why do you dance so much?" and I always give them the same response. I enjoy dancing to an extent that I tire myself until my body can's take it. I dance because it engages me into an new experience and adventure. I dance because it pulls me in physically, mentally and socially all at once. I dance because it drives me crazy when I express my anger, my sadness, my eagerness all the emotions that I feel into a beautiful connection of movement. It's like how we humans need all the resources to survive. Dancing is my oxygen, dancing is my food, dancing is my nutrients, and most of all dancing is a part of me. Without it I'll slowly die mentally and physically. Without it I'll be nothing, I'll be in the depths of my depression and anxiety like the depths of hell itself. Dancing saved me from myself. After my mother died and my father started to physically and mentally abuse me I thought that I was worth nothing. I thought I was just a piece of shit stuck on somebody's foot that they can't scrape off or something. I thought living was hell and that I should just kill myself. But I didn't. I remember a memory from long ago that happened before my mother died. It was when I saw him for the first time.

*flashback*

I was walking with my mother on the way home from the store when I saw a billboard with a man dancing like his life depended on it. I stopped midway to watch him dance his heart out.

"Eren, sweetie what are you looking at?" mother asked.

"Mommy whose that man?" I asked pointing to the billboard. She walked up to me picked me up and placed me on her hip.

"That my sweetie is a famous dancer that's really dedicated to his job. I read somewhere that he dances to express his pain and anger through the movements he makes. I forgot what he said in the interview he had but it was quite beautiful and honest." she said as she puts me down and squats in front of me.

"Eren promise me that if something happens to me you will work through the pain and depression. Promise me that you will find something that you truly enjoy and love to help you work through the suffering. But most of all promise me that you will move on and keep going no matter what. Will you promise me that Eren?" she said.

"Yes mommy I promise, I pinky promise." I said as I hold out my pinky. She giggled and hooked her pinky with mines.

"Okay let's get home to make a big dinner for daddy. You can even help me bake the cake." she said with a beautiful smile that can light the darkness.

"Yayyy! Can I even lick the icing off the spoon?" I asked while jumping up and down a little bit.

"Of course sweetie just don't make a mess okay." she said.

"I won't," I said with a big smile.

She stood up and took my hand. We started walking home. But as we walk I look back and see the guy dance some more, this time with a smile on his face.

*end of flashback*

The promise that I and my mother made was confusing to me since I was only five back then. But now I'm eighteen and I truly understand what she means. And I'm keeping that promise for all of eternity until the day I die and see my mother once again. After she died I was lost and hopeless. I was not only abused mentally and physically by my father, I was suffering. But he saved me from myself. He saved me by showing me what dancing truly means. He saved me on that day when I first saw him. Dancing calms me and he saved me.