Intersecting Lines

Chapter 2 - Gemma

I went to unlock the door, clumsily. It swung open and the enormous wave of barking hit me instead of a 'Welcome Home.' I shushed my leaping dogs and threw my backpack down.

Another day, successfully ruined.

I collapsed onto the nearby living room couch, clutching my aching stomach. I tried to remember how many days it had been since I ate a meal, but the numbers just weren't coming to me. I decided it would be okay to eat something, just this once, since it had been a while. I stood on shaking knees, searching for food in the empty cabinets. My stomach gripped at my insides frantically.

I massaged my forehead, roughly. As much as I'd like to think I was okay, I was actually dying, and it didn't feel good. I wanted to be perfect like petite little Noelle. She was my dream.

I thought about calling Leigh Anne, or Georgia, if she could talk. I needed to tell someone about Noelle. It broke my heart to see sadness claim her once again. I sighed, eyes skimming the final pantry shelf.

"Water" I thought, "Water again"

Even though I huffed the words like they were terribly dissapointing, I was brilliantly happy. Water filled the space that my empty belly cried for, and it wouldn't make me any bigger. I was withering inside, falling into nothing, but I didn't really mind anymore.

I sang as loudly as I could; so loud that my dogs howled in misery. But it was a beautiful thing to be able to sing, even with only dogs as my audience. I forced myself to bellow out mainstream songs by Lana Del Rey, my voice cracking and everything. However painfully sad it must've sounded, it felt like a great release after the day I just had.

I was a joke. I mean, I had plenty of friends, but I complained constantly about being alone. I was plenty humorous, but I always talked about how miserable I was. I slept all the time, but then never at all. I couldn't even decscifer between being awake and being asleep anymore. My world was ruined, but to most people, it would have been perfectly fine. I just felt things deeper.

I click open Wattpad on my cheap-o tablet, which I christened with the name, Susan. No more reads than yesterday. I sigh and refresh, desperate for just one more vote, but it never comes.

I felt bad for worrying over things like comments and followers, when Noelle's whole world was practically falling apart. I guess, Wattpad was just the only thing I had left.

I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I always kept it there, because purses were futile accessories with no real purpose.

It was a text, from my mother, reminding me that "Jesus loves me."

I moaned, falling backward onto the couch once again. I really was grateful, you know, that Jesus loved me and all, but I was not feeling up to being spiritual.

I locked my screen, with a heavy heart. My mom saw it, the depression. I knew she did, especially when she texted me random encouragements. No matter what, I felt useless.

Once again, my phone buzzed spiraticly. A call from Georgia.

"Hello" I answered, blandly. I could picture her, blonde hair falling into her eyes, potato chips in a mixing bowl, feet up in mismatched socks. Georgia was the glue of our entire group, if I'm being honest. She was everyone's sidekick and nobody's super star. Its not what she deserved, considering how extraordinary she was. Not to mention, how unextraoridnary she made me feel.

"What's up with the attitude?" she asked, I could see her face change. I rubbed my forehead.

"I'm sorry. Its been a hard day. School's a bitch" I whined.

"Tell me about it" she agreed, but I don't think she hated it the same way I did.

"We haven't talked in days, you know" she muttered. I wanted desperately to sleep away this conversation. Had that much time really passed? I couldn't keep track of the days, not since school started. My mind was dangerously close to overload.

"I'm sorry for not being as social as you'd like, your highness" I silently scolded myself, for once again I was an imperfect friend.

"Have you been busy?" her voice was quieter now. Sometimes my words stung, when I didn't want them to. I wanted to cry, my mean nature getting the best of me. It just wasn't in me to be a good person anymore.

"Just tired. I think I'm gonna try to sleep now, okay?" I didn't wait for her to respond. I hung up on her tiny voice, begging for the friend she used to have. But I didn't have the energy to think about it.

I never had energy for anything.

I closed my eyes and whispered a prayer, laced with the doubt that God could hear me at all.

"Just help Noelle, okay? And help Georgia find a better friend. I don't know what I'm doing." I finished, mouth falling limp to the exhaustion. My hunger bubbled in my core, searching for something to eat besides my heart. My eyes stung, as I blinked away whatever pain I could feel. I loved to be numb. That's the saddest thing about me, since I went crazy, I forgot how to feel.

And with that final thought, I let sleep claim me, stuck between nightmarish dreams, and a worsening reality. But then again, I could hardly differensiate between the two...

***