Oops! You did it again…
People make mistake, you and I included.
We weren’t officially together but were enjoying the fringe benefits of coupled.
No demands, No expectations, No commitment, just enjoying the moment while we have each other.
People need and want to stay in their “comfort zone” and this pull toward lulls us into the cyclical patterns each of us has been known to fall or place ourselves into.
At first I made things clear.
I supposed I was too afraid to get hurt again and again.
That is why the ‘no strings attached’ set up favorable for me and I’m really not ready for a commitment.
It’s my comfort zone.
So I promised myself one last time that I won’t fall in love.
I found myself eating that bunch of words I promised.
Oops! I did it again, but for now it’s real.
Very real!
I was struck by his intelligence, his self-assurance, he was very interesting.
At that time, I didn’t know I was falling in love.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to pursue anything but there are lots of reasons not to nurse the feeling.
I don’t want him to go through a difficult time.
What’s good is I can break free from whatever it is that making my mind spinning with confusion.
But it won’t be easy. It’s just like any addiction; you’ll need to wear yourself away from it.
You want to give up at some point; after all, wouldn’t it be easier to remain in that comfort zone, doing what you’ve done in the past even if it left you sad, tired and confused all the time.
I’m tired of love that won’t last.
Every time I get into a relationship I keep wishing it will last.
So I allowed him to treat me badly even if I disagreed with him (petty things).
I didn’t want to rock the boat by arguing with him.
I thought that by accepting him and his flaws, he’d realize how much I love him.
All my life I wanted the chance to finally experience an honest relationship.
I don’t show any hint of interest to a man until I’m sure he feels the same way.
I easily fall for his smooth talk but I acted real casual every time, as if I’m not into him.
He was funny, smart, God fearing, responsible and seemed honest about everything.
Even if I wanted to explore where the relationship should go I acted otherwise because I was afraid of rejection.
No plans it just happened.
The downside was that I gave him the impression that I wanted a casual, shallow relationship even if I was grunting for something serious.
He is everything I wanted, he really makes me happy.
I can be myself whenever I’m wrapped around in his arms.
Being with him is like finally coming home, it’s where I belong.
The relationship continues till the romance fizzled out when we part ways. I acted like everything was okay.
Yet deep inside, I was dying. It’s not yet the end…
If you behave in a purposeful, meaningless, unconstructive ways, you get inferior results.
Then decide to do something no matter how difficult – to change it for the better.
As with addiction, you can only quit when you’re ready to quit.
As for me I’m not yet ready to move on.
