How Boys Think

Chapter 2: Things We Hate About Females

Chapter 2: Things We Hate About Females

In this installment, we provide you with vast knowledge about what gets on our fucking nerves with woman. Bear in mind, we haven't reached the relationship chapter of the book yet hence, most f the questions will be in the beginning stages of friendship etc.

These questions were made up on the spot, in case you are wondering. I tried to keep the guys on topic, but somehow words like "boobs" and "vagina" seem to distract them.

Oh and just a quick definition: Vag sighting: When the word "vagina" is used and all guys immediately hope that there is an actual vagina floating about.

Reece: Alright fellows! Session 2 on girls! Who's up for it?

Clyde: Oh man, it's you again.
Dean: Hahahaha, you said up for it. Dirty thoughts.
Roger: Well, considering session 1 was just five minutes ago... yes I am up for it.
Brandon: If I got to do it, I got to fucking do it.

Reece: Okay, well... yeah. Let's just get to it. So when you first talk to a girl, what pisses you off the most?

Clyde: She tries to play hard to get and I'm like bitch please, just be yourself before I hump you in a public bathroom.
Dean: Wow Clyde, that was just... wow. I hate it when girls get jealous over other girls. I'd be like "Hey do you know Michelle?" Then she would reply with "OMG! I hate that bitch!"
Roger: Oh, who's Michelle? Is she a man? Does she possess the Vag? I hate when girls run away from me... it happens a lot.
Brandon: Yeah, Roger that's your fault not there's. I hate when girls laugh too much, I want to slap her with a fish and tell her to be quiet.

Reece: Brandon, we don't promote violence here! Which type of girl usually annoys you on a general day?

Clyde: The type that refuses to bang. I mean really! What kind of world do we live in.
Dean: A complete sane one if she's refuses to sleep with you, Clyde! On that note, I don't like a girl who's too forward.
Roger: The type of girl without a vagina.
Brandon: The usual blonde hair, dumb ones who have the ability to- wait, who said there was a Vag sighting?

Reece: Okay, enough with vaginas. Random question, would you marry Kim Kardashian?

Clyde: Marry her, bang her... and then when I leave her ass, I'm going to leave with half!
Dean: EWWWWWW! She might have cooties.
Roger: I agree with Dean except replace cooties (why the fuck is he even using that word) with AIDS.
Brandon: No. Most guys won't. Girls like that are good in bed but that's it. Also is her ass real? It's fucking huge!

Reece: Makeup, like or hate it?

Clyde: Why Reece, do you want to try some on for yourself? I like fake girls, they're hotter. Pile it on and block your zits, girls.
Dean: Well if she puts on so much foundation she needs pillars to support it, then no. Maybe a little so that we don't see pimples exploding.
Roger: Red lipstick with a matching thong goes a long way.
Brandon: I don't care as long as I'm not paying for what goes on her face.

Reece: When girls act like "One of the guys", does it lure you in?

Clyde: No! What is this? Girls should show us their titties or get the fuck out. There's only one guy around here.
Dean: I prefer a girly girl. Somehow the thought of a girl saying "Sup bro," doesn't really please me.
Roger: Hell, I'll take anything with a Vag right now.
Brandon: Hmmm, if she gets high with me and rents porn then hell yeah!

Reece: Right, lets' do some Yahoo Answers advice.

This guy asked:

Should I give this girl I like but have never talked to a birthday card or would that be to weird? How should I give it? Also I dont have one YET and I wont get to see her for two days, after today...

Clyde: How old are you? Why would you give birthday cards? Unless you put a naked picture of yourself, yeah... do it! Do it!
Dean: Well if you never spoke to her and just handed her a birthday card that will be a bit creepish.
Roger: Toss her the card and yell "Go shawty, it's your birthday!" Also fist pump the air while doing so. It makes you look really cool.
Brandon: Don't forget to draw hearts and flowers everywhere; I'm sure she won't think homo of you.

Reece: Come on guys! Can you at least help the next person, properly?

I met this guy in the town I'm moving to. We met at a party and hung out at his house once after. We made out, cuddled, all that. When I got ready to leave he held me, kissed me, and said I'll ya go but I don't wnt to. So from tht I concluded he may like me but I'm not sure bc we don't really tlk when I'm not there. Anyway, there is a concert in his town and I'm mking a trip down for it. I'm taking my cousin and I was thinking about getting an extra ticket and asking if he wanted to go. Is tht a good or bad idea?

Clyde: Fine a proper answer. Never hook up with a guy at the party. He wants to bang, that's it. Also wash your mouth for herpies, unless you did something more than make out? Did you? Oooh tell us! We won't tell!
Dean: I have to agree with Clyde here, you were probably just a party prossie. It happens. Don't waste your money taking him to a concert.
Roger: When a guy likes a girl, he will call her. He don' like yous!
Brandon: You want to go to a concert to his town just so you get to see him again? Crazy girl... crazy internet girl.

Reece: Would you prefer a slut or a clingy girl?

Clyde: Slut.
Dean: Slut.
Roger: Slutastic!
Brandon: All of the above.

Reece: Wait, what? Are you guys serious?

Clyde: You want a girl who's always by your side even when you need to take a dump? No.
Dean: Agreed. Also when you smile at another girl she posts on her Facebook status that you cheated on her.
Roger: Or she webcams you 24/7 to make sure you are "behaving".
Brandon: Where the fuck do you people find these girls?

Reece: Final question! The first meeting, the girl wears a super mini skirt. Like or hate?

Clyde: Oh yeah, I'm going to pretend to drop my phone and look under her skirt.
Dean: Clyde, what if you see she doesn't have a vagina?
Roger: Clyde just got owned!
Brandon: I think that- wait, who said Vagina? Where? Where!

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And we've reached the end! Really sorry about the Vag sightings on this one.Thanks for everybody who commented. The next part we're going to move onto relationships and what we really think about it.

By the way, these interviews really did happen. We got an idea from a note which was posted on Facebook. All these people are real, and yes we are currently single and on the market! Just like 80% of the male population...

Until again,                         

The Boys.