Underneath All Of Me

Intro

Hi guys,

Time skips in this just to warn you. Other warnings are: rape, abuse, deliberate self-harm and other triggers. The will be mention at the start of the chapter. Also, throughout the story, if you want something specifically to happen PM me and I'll add it in the story and dedicate the chapter to you. Enjoy,

Precious x

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10 Years Ago----

I fell to the ground in an instant with a throbbing pain running through my cheek. It hurt so bad. He never hit me before. He never got this angry. What ever happened?

"Get upstairs and stay outta my way, fag." He spat. I ran up the stairs and sat in my room and stared blankly at the ceiling. Why? That one word was swarming around my head. Why? 

It was around 10pm and my dad walked into my room. He smiled as soon as he saw me and came to sit next to me. "Hey son, look, I wanted to apologize for hitting you. It was wrong to point my anger towards you. I swear it will never happen again" And this was the point when I stopped believing in promises, because trust me, this was not the end.

5 Years Ago---- (Self-harm trigger)

I sat in my room, all alone, holding a wet rag to my wrist as blood poured out of 12 cuts up and down my arm. My dad went crazy today. He beat me senseless and the grabbed a razor and pressed it to my wrist and made a masterpiece on my left arm. All cuts were in different directions and different sizes Some were fairly deep - but not to the point I could die - and others were slightly there but obviously noticeable. It hurt. Everything did, but all pain was directed to my wrist. He said it was for my own safety. How, is he seriously that demented?

The pain was over-bearing. It would not stop; the blood neither. Everything was not as I thought it was. I grew up thinking I would have a loving family, siblings who actually cared, including my own mother. She left with my younger siblings, Lauren and Harry, when my dad first started hitting me. Have I seen them since? No

It hurts, you know. Knowing that somewhere in the world is a woman who use to be your mother, does not give two shits about you. She leaves you all alone with an abusive Father. No matter what, I love her but can never forgive. Deep down I know I have forgiven her but how can I when she can have the guts to leave her son and take the other out of danger but leave one inside the danger. It hurts more than you can imagine.

Life never gets better when it starts bad. My dad always said that, and he is always one to prove what he says.

1 Year Ago----

We moved again. Teachers were getting suspicious of the bruises. Every time we move, even harder it is to let go of the past. It will never leave though, will it? I wish I had a better life so I could be more open and have friends for once.

I've never had a friend before. All I do is get bullied. "The weird emo kid," I get called. I hardly ever talk and no one tries to talk to me. Why would they? Who ever wants to talk to someone who won't talk back?

The beatings got worse. Everything got worse. He started burning me with fire rods. Branding me. They never heal properly. I'm surprised I'm not dead or have infections. He did things I never even want to talk about. It got to its worse when he first got sexual. I hated it. He made me feel so dirty and used. How anyone can deal with this, I will be surprised if they did not crack. He hurts you so viciously. Why do I deal with all of this? Because I have to.

Few Months Ago----

He's gone. Completely vanished. No note or reason why he left. He is just gone. I guess I should not be ssad really but no matter what he did to me, I still love him. He was my father afterall. I stood in my Fathers room as I looked around it. I looked so different now empty of its contents. The whole house felt different. It did not have the dangerous aura in it. Or the feeling of uncertainty hanging in the air. Everything felt new.

I held back the tears as I dropped to the floor. I know I should be happy. My abusive, deadly dangerous father has left and I am now finally free, but now I am all alone and I have no money or a mother to help me. My family hates me from everything my dad has said about me and now I have no one to lean to .No one.

Nothing mattered anymore. I am free. I have no longer to live in fear. How could I be so stupid thought? Who knew?

Present Time----

I stopped in my tracks. What classroom is it? Shit. How could I forget in like 5 minutes? I hated talking to people. Now I have to ask someone for directions to a damn lesson. I looked around to find someone who looked relatively kind and saw a group of three boys standing at a locker waiting for a... a fucking sex god. Tall, blonde, blue eyes and lip ring. Who does not fall in love with that? The other two seemed pretty close. One had vibrant green hair and an eyebrow piercing, while the other was tanned, muscular, and black looking hair with a blonde fringe and chocolate brown eyes. To be honest he looked like a puppy mixed with Asian genes.

I breathed in and out and then started walking up to them. The one with coloured hair noticed me first and gave me a warming smile. I gave the tiniest smile back and finished walking to them.

"You alright mate?" The Asian one asked. I nodded and thought of what to say. "Um, y-yeah. I was wondering if you could t-tell me where to go?" Way to go and stutter, you idiot. The blonde one nodded and asked for my timetable.

As he read over it, I checked out his features more. His beautiful blonde hair was pushed back into a quiff and perfectly styled. His hair made his eyes pop out more. They shone so brightly and were so perfect as he scanned the piece of paper. He bit his lip ring and his body hunched over a little. He had broad shoulders and was the tallest out of the four of us. He wore a graphic tee and tight skinny jeans.

"Hello?" I heard a distant voice and looked back up. He looked right in my eyes and it felt like he wads reading into my soul. "You have English first, you are in most of the same classes as us so you got help there." He, just as the green one, had a thick Australian accent. "Thank you..."
"Luke" He - Luke - stated. "This is Michael and Calum" He explained. "Ashton" I said simply.

I gave another slight smile and then looked around. "Do you wanna hang with us for a bit?" Calum questioned. I knew I shouldn't, but something about them intrigued me. I nodded and stood still as they all spoke, leaving me to my own thoughts. I decided to look at Michael and Calum. Calum was cute. He had cheeks that could be pinched all day and that mood about him that made everything seem alright. It was like if you were in the same room as him, he could make you happy and smile. His smile could make anyone smile and brighten anyone's day. Michael was just as attractive. He had green eyes that made his hair stand out. Or the other way round. He gave small but noticeable smiles and just by looking at him, you could tell he was a big softy but if messed with, he will kill you.
"What are you looking at?" He questioned lightly. I tried to apologize but no words came out of my mouth. "N-nothing. Sorry." I said quietly and they all nodded.

The bell went and we all walked to homeroom together cause I was in the same class as them. I had a good feeling about today.

But the sad reality of life always catches up with me.

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Hello !! Glad to be back. I am posting again and ready to post as regular (huh) ly as possible. Hope to see some reads.

Vote, comment and show me some love.

PcLoey x 🌻