Cupid Story of 2016

*11:06 am*

(My eyes flipped open as the bright ray of sunshine fell on my face through the window across the room. Not fully awake yet, my hand searched for my phone in order to check what time it is, only to be holding someone else's hand. Wait... what? I quickly jerked my head to the side and saw a half-naked 30 years old looking kid with diaper holding a bow.)

Me: ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Cupid: ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Me: ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Cupid: WHAT WHAT WHAT?

Me: What do you mean WHAT WHAT WHAT?! Why the fuck are you looking at me sleeping? Don't you know it is creepy as hell?! YOU RETARDED EROS!

Cupid: Get up Allie. You do remember what day it is today, right?

Me: The day that will be written as 'The Best Day' in history.

Cupid: So you got a boyfriend! Oh my god, Alyssa! That is awesome! I mean, I don't have to suffer like last 2 years anymore! Who is it? Eh eh eh?

Me: Firstly, I don't have a boyfriend. Secondly, I'm still making you suffer. Thirdly, 'The Best Day' has nothing to do with me having a Valentine.

Cupid: *grumpily* then what?

Me: DEADPOOL!!!! OH MY FUCKING GOD CAN YOU BELIEVE IT IS FINALLY ON TV??? OH MY GEWD! *got hit with a flying pillow* WTF

Cupid: -_-

Me: Pfft whatever. *dials my bruh's number* Mofo, are you coming today? What do mean where? Seriously? DEADPOOL! Geez, I have an ass as my best friend. Fuck you, bye.

Cupid: So he's not coming to the date.

Me: He is not my freaking date! You... you little middle-age looking man!

Cupid: The name is Eric and it's pretty clear that you like him.

Me: Mr. Eric, don't you have anything else to do? I mean, today is Valentine's Day after all. You are a cupid so you must have loads of people, who are in love, that you could go help but nooooo you just have to come to me and annoy me all day long.

Cupid: Look, I just want to help you.

Me: Well, too bad; I don't need any help.

Cupid: What's this?

(Turning around, I found Eric examining the rose I got on Thursday.)

Me: It's a rose.

Cupid: From?

Me: A human.

Cupid: Named?

Me: By his parents.

Cupid: The name?

Me: It's his name.

Cupid: Yeah, and what's that?

Me: It's a name.

Cupid: Which is?

Me: Which is none of your business.

Cupid: -_-

Me: You know, you are making more of those faces than I made last 2 years and I warned you that I'm still making you suffer. This is just a mild form of mental torture.

Cupid: Oh oh oh, it's that boy who_

Me: Mommmmmm, what's for breakfast? *runs out my bedroom*

Cupid: That little imbecile. Just you wait.

-5 hours later-

Me: *sat down on the couch with a bowl of cereals and milk, looking around* Ahem, ahem. *looks around again* Good, that stupid Eros finally learnt his lesson after 2 years of nuisance he gave me.

Cupid: You know I wouldn't stop until you have your first kiss.

Me: *internal screams and groans and eye rolls* Let me just enjoy my cereal, okay? I couldn't care less about stupid couples in stupid thing called love.

(I open TV and a kissing scene of The Notebook appeared on it. Predictably, I choked on my mouthful of cereal and milk. Not. Cool. TV)

-3 seconds of utter silence-

Cupid: You are allergic to love, aren't you?

Me: You finally found out, Eric. Congratulations on your discovery! *deadpans at him*

Cupid: You are not going to fall in love any sooner, are you?

Me: Wowwww you are smart.

Cupid: I'm sorry, okay? I didn't know that you were that serious about not wanting a boyfriend so I thought that I would do something about it and well yeah, I'm so sorry.

Me: Eric, what the heck did you do?

Cupid: Well...

*DING DONG*

Cupid: That.

(I rushed to the door and swung it open to be greeted by the strong fragrance of a hundred of roses and as the banquet lowers slowly... and slowly... and his face appears. Eric, you beautiful piece of stupid creature.)

"Hello, Alyssa."

Lord, his dazzling smile.