Between the Bars

Chapter 5

      When I woke up it was unnaturally cold. I went to change the thermostat, but it was at sixty. I checked the time on my phone, ten-forty. Mom must be home by now. I don't know why I was so cold, as I was wearing long sleeves and pants. "Mom? Are you home? I'd like to talk to you about yesterday afternoon, if you have the time." I cautiously spoke, and doing so I heard an "In here!". 

    She was making what smelled like cinnamon rolls. I loved her cinnamon rolls more than anything else, something I always looked forward too on a Saturday mid-morn. "Smells good, mom." The conversation was going to be tense, and I knew that. I tried to make small talk, but as I was talking she pulled me into a hug. 

   "I'm sorry, Kora. I know I shouldn't have gone into your room, I'm just so worried." Her ice cold eyes seemed softer and deeper now. I started to feel warmer, maybe what I needed was mom. "It's okay, really. I hope you know I don't actually hate you, things were just so hectic. I just.." She looked at me with such open mind. "Just what sweet pea? We never talk anymore... Let me make some coffee and take the rolls out." She searched for something in my eyes, but I couldn't tell what. 

    "Is suzzie up yet, mom?" I curiously asked. Last night was so close, I think we've gotten away with it, though. Me and Garroth, I know this seems bad, but he's far too mature and old for her. I can't imagine her with him, so I'm protecting her...In a sense. "Not yet, I don't think. If she is, she hadn't come out to say good morning, and she always does." Mom replied while pouring grains into a filter. 

     "Oh, okay.." I looked around and Ned was laying under the table. I touched his smooth fur with my toe, it felt cold and soft. "Awe, Neddy, you big baby. Come out from under there." I laughed, and so did mom. Mom and I don't usually get along, so it felt weird to share a laugh. 

    As mom was taking the rolls out, their sweet, buttery scent filled the air. Who knew I could get so pumped about cinnamon rolls. I get up to get the confectioners sugar, butter, and vanilla. I help mom make the icing, usually Suzanne does this, but she isn't awake. I mix everything together with a smile on my face. I know it won't be as good as suzzie's, but I'm aiming to try. 

    Mom and I talk about school, Suzanne, work... I work at a bakery, but can't bake for the life of me. "So, Kora, what were you saying before I rudely interrupted you?" Mom smiled after saying this. For once it seemed like she actually wanted to take part in my life. "Well, mom, I wanted to talk to you about dad.." The smile on her mouth slowly faded. "D-did I say something..Mom?" "No, honey, no.. Look, I understand why you miss him. All girls miss their father, really," She started her high-chirpy voice, which was basically talking to a two year old. 

    "but, you have to let go of him. I don't know where he is, why he le-" I cut her off... I think I may have a problem with that. "No mom.. You do know why he left.. Why won't you just tell me? Why am I not aloud to know why he left?" I started to get angry again. Our sweet, small talk turned cold and tense. 

        "You wonder why I don't talk to you. I'm eighteen mom! Eighteen! I think I'm old enough to understand WHY MY DAD LEFT!" I was screaming now. Mom's face was so soft, her eyes still searching for something. 

     "Listen, I'm sorry I yelled. I want this to be civil. I just want you to tell me why he left. I'm not going to get mad. I promise. I won't." I was pleading for the answer. I just wanted to know. Why did he go? Could only he answer? Does mom not really know why? No, no. She has too. She rushed him out the door with nothing but his wallet and clothes on his back. 

     Mom looked at me, her eyes cold again. My heart fell, I knew when her eyes turn stone she wasn't going to tell me anything. I started to feel chilly again, the warmth we had once shared had faded away. I sipped my coffee, still looking for an answer. 

    "Look, I know we don' talk much anymore, but can you at least say something? I just want our family to be like it was before he left. All the smiles in life.." I smiled remembering the day we went to my first arcade. Chuck-E-Cheese. That place was my all time favorite ever since then. Some kids were laughing, turning in their tickets, crying, and the whole place smelled like old people. I remember it so vividly. I got the dolphin that now sits at the end of my bed there. It's three feet tall, dad was the all-time champ at ski-ball. 

   Mom broke my daze, and my face hurt from smiling so much. "Kora.. I know you want answers, but I don't have one that will make total sense to you. You need to try and forget about dad, It's been twelve years.." Mom shook her head sympathetically. "I can't believe you. Do you think I don't remember when you pushed him out of the door? Suzanne crying at your angry face? How scared I was? I DO! I remember mom. I'm not going to forget. Just, please, think. Hard!" I was frantic now. My face red and my palms sweaty. 

   "Okay Kora. You want answers I'll give them to you." Mom was finally going to tell me. Tell me why he left, maybe even where he went. Maybe mom misses him, too. Maybe we can all go find him, be reunited. I've had dreams like this. This might be happening. My body started to warm up and get fuzzy inside. Ned poked his head up from the table, sharing my excitement. 

   "Thank you, mom. Really. I really... do appreciate this." She smiled at me, wrinkles spreading from her eyes. Her lips dry and chapped, but still a smile so wide it could kill. My heart was beating so fast It could be around the world in sixty days.

  "Alright Kora.. Here goes nothing," Mom started to speak, but I turned my head to find Suzanne in the door frame of the kitchen scowling at me. "YOU BITCH!" Suzanne screamed at me.