Friends..Or More?

It all started mid September. We met through friends so I guess you could call it a blind date. When we met, it was weird. I was nervous beyond belief. I'm not sure how he felt but, he seemed nervous. The first thing I noticed was his big, bright smile, oh and his beautiful brown eyes. It was so awkward! We met in the mall right outside the Apple Store. I had three of my friends with me so I could only imagine how he felt, seeing as it was just him. Oh, I may have forgotten to tell you this but, we met over video chat the first time so I doubt it really counts. I still remember how it felt when I first texted him. His friend told me he was really shy so I had to make the first move. We really started talking October 1st, and dating. Back to when we met. We barley talked to each other. I was too nervous and I guess he was too. Occasionally he put his arm around me, which made me feel good and safe. The moment I guess he had been waiting for was the moment I was regretting. When it was time to go, instead of making out, since I was too nervous, I gave him a little peck. And he kissed me on the cheek. I remember the exact spot where we were standing at that moment. It was by this jewelry kiosk, outside of Bloomingdales. Thinking about it now, I bet he was pretty disappointed when I didn't give him a "real kiss." I remember shaking even after he left! (That's how nervous I was!) I missed him afterwards. Okay so backing up a little, I bet you're confused. Yes, I stupidly agreed to date someone that I've never met in person, the first day that we talked..over video chat. I just remember sending him a profile of some girl that I thought was pretty. (That's how insecure I am) the really funny part is that we both just sat there in the video chat. We didn't talk to each other. Even for days afterwards, we just sat there occasionally, one of us would laugh or say something. I miss those days. So, his friend who sort of introduced us lived about 20 minutes away from me, little did I know, this kid that I agreed to be his girlfriend lived about 30 minutes away. I know, whats the big deal? well the big deal was that I thought that he lived where his friend did and 30 minutes isn't that far away well, at least I don't think so. But anyway, we only hung out twice when we were dating. I guess that's why it didn't work out? I don't know. All I know is that I was way to scared to hangout just the two of us. The other reason was "long distance" to me long distance is maybe an hour or two away, not 30 minutes. It was crazy. So as you may have guessed, our one month relationship ended. November 1st. Exactly one month. What was most upsetting was that, November is my birthday month, so it sucked being all sad that month. I don't know why but I took the break up really hard. He was the first guy that I had real feelings for. I wouldn't leave my room, I'd cry for hours. I remember that day more then I want to. We hadn't talked all day, I remember I texted him in the morning but, no answers. That day just didn't feel right from the start. Anyway, so when I finally got to talk to him it was, "Hey, can we talk?" So I think that made him nervous, seeing that one sentence could completely change everything. Then after a little, I got a text saying "I don't think this is going to work, but you're really nice though." I couldn't even look, I made my sister look and then tell me. She gave me a look. We were in the car, the parking lot of my old elementary school, I always hated that school. I remember getting out of the car and just started hysterically crying. We drove back to my house and I ran inside to my mom where I just fell into her arms, still hysterically crying. I felt like absolute and complete shit. Break ups hurt. I just remember writing him long messages on Facebook apologizing for what ever I did that made him break up with me but; his answer was always that it was long distance. I didn't believe it. I instantly thought it was me, maybe I wasn't tall enough, good, enough, or pretty enough. Then my mind went to another place, he found someone else.