Friends..Or More?

This Is Confusing.

Have you ever felt as if your heart was telling you one thing and your head was telling you another but; you don't know which one to listen to? I'm not even sure which one is telling me which! You know that feeling in the pit of your stomach when you see something you don't want to see? Like the guy you like with his hand pretty low on some other girls back? Well, there's nothing I can even do when he's across the damn country! I feel like if I say anything he'll just not talk to me. We only get to talk to like an hour or two everyday on Facebook chat. Since we can't text 'cause he's in fucking Greece for the summer. Sorry anger. I'm just so unsure of what to do. Let me explain our situation. It's kind of complicated. I'd never seen myself as a person who settles. I guess I want him so bad that I felt like it was this or nothing. We're friends with benefits now. Right after we broke up he wanted to be because in his words "friends with benefits is being in a relationship without being in a relationship." What?! I know, I'm stupid. He's probably just using me to "satisfy his needs." But is it selfish that I kind of feel like I'm doing the same thing? I mean not completely because I know I have feelings for him. He told me that he has feelings for me too but, I wonder if they're as strong as mine. As much as it hurts me when he puts pics with other girls on Instagram, I tell myself I need to get over it because I want him. It's so bad, isn't it? He told me that he's over this girl that he liked but, I'm not so sure if I believe it. He was so hung up on her that I find it hard to believe. Who's he trying to fool? Maybe himself? I need to either find someone else or he needs to ask me out again since we've become much stronger as friends. Lets get into that. So, we didn't talk for a while, not sure why. But, one day he texts me telling me to go on oovoo (video chat thing) and I agree. It was me, him, and his friend from Greece. So, we all talked for a little and then he went to have dinner but kept his camera on. After like five minutes, his friend went to bed because of the time difference, it was like 4am in Greece. So, when he came back from dinner, I was still there and he and I talked for a little. Before you know it, we had made plans to hang out. It was the second time I went to his house. As usual, I was nervous beyond belief. The first few minutes are always awkward. Then we walked to the park and hung out. After wards he bought me coffee, oh, I might add that I hate when people buy me things, it makes me feel really awkward. But, he insisted. We then went to a diner and I was hungry but all I got was fries and literally only ate one. I don't know why but, just holding up the fry to my mouth made me nauseous. Maybe because I can't eat in front of guys. So I apologized and gave him my fries. I really felt bad! After that we went back to the park and for the longest time I wanted him to teach me how to longboard because he's a long boarding freak. So we did that and let me tell you, at that moment all my trust was given to him since I didn't want to fall and die! But I did it, wooo! Oh, did I mention that I kind of dented his longboard? His baby! ha, whoops. So when we went to his house you can only imagine what we did. Well, if not then I'll just have to tell you. Just thinking about this makes me want to go back to that day and never let it go. We started teasing each other and somehow I ended up laying on top of him. Don't worry, we didn't do it. My back was on his stomach, so laying on him like that. (Pervs) then we kissed..and one thing let to another. We went up to his room and you know made out on his bed a little but that's all. I'm a good girl! What I would give to go back to that amazing day.