The Journal [boyxboy]

The Journal {6}

                I angrily punched the ground and bit my lip as my fist exploded into pain. Matt was flashing through my mind.

                When he had first asked me out…the dates we had gone on…making love together…laughing together…all of our good times…

                And then today. Caleb attacking me, and Matt just watching silently. How could he put me through all of this?

                I didn’t want to break up with him. I loved him so much. He had always made me smile and cheered me up when I was down. But now he was the one putting me down, and I had no one else for me.

                I had never really had friends. I had one other friend besides Matt. So I didn’t really have anyone to cheer me up, or to talk to. I didn’t want to drag my other friend into this. It wouldn’t be fair to her.

                I clenched my fists tightly and stood up, safely tucking the journal away where I had found it. It was time to end things with Matt.

                I climbed the stairs and let myself out of the boiler room, checking the time and starting towards study hall. The period was almost over, but I should have enough to time to break up with Matt and make it back to the boiler room before the bell rang.

                My heart hammered in my chest, and I tried to keep my mind blank. If I thought too hard on what I was doing, I would chicken out, and I didn’t want that.

                Stepping up outside of the cafeteria doors, I stopped and took a deep breath. I would not cry in front of Matt. If I had to cry, I could do it in the boiler room like the baby I was.

                But I would NOT cry in front of Matt anymore.

                I pushed the door open a crack and peeked inside the cafeteria. The room was quiet, with kids sitting and working at the tables. The teacher was on her laptop, looking bored.

                My eyes scanned the room, and I furrowed my brow in frustration. Matt and Caleb were nowhere in sight.

                No matter how many times I carefully looked over the room, I couldn’t find Matt or Caleb. They weren’t in the cafeteria.

                I shut the door quietly and slid down against it. Where in the hell had Matt gone? He never left study hall.

                “Great,” I groaned. I finally get up the courage to do what needed to be done, and I couldn’t even find Matt. My backpack and my stuff had always been absent from the room.

                Had they taken my stuff and ditched the cafeteria before I came back for it? Would Matt really do something like that?

                I pushed myself to my feet and slowly walked back towards the boiler room. I would just have to try to find him during lunch and end it then.

                I went back down to the boiler room and pulled out Nash’s journal, flipping it open. I picked up the photograph and eyed it yet again.

                That happy look on Nash’s face as he stood next to Francis sent conflicting feelings through me. On one hand, it made me smile to see how happy he looked just being next to Francis. On the other hand, it brought up thoughts of me and Matt, and made me sad.

                I set the photograph down and settled back against the wall with the journal in my hands. Hopefully things for Nash and Francis went better than me and Matt.