Twenty-Nine Dolls [H.S. AU]

14. Harry - 2000

TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE

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"Kiss me ... set me free."

For twenty-five years, I had witnessed people socialising and being able to talk to one another as if it wasn't an occupation. It was seamless for others. Communication was thoughtless in their lives but for me it was more complicated than that. If someone thought another person was aesthetically pleasing, they'd happily go up to them and tell them their thoughts. However, if I even thought of someone else being beautiful in their own sense, I couldn't bring myself to even look at that person again. That saddened me a lot.

When I managed to go to university and get my MA in brushing a paintbrush over a canvas, I found people who seemed to be able to accept me. The feeling was always reciprocated with gratitude but I grew close to one soul more than the others. "You alright, Harreh'?" He would shout as he threw his keys into the bowl, slamming the door behind him, "You in? Your car was out front."

"Yes, I'm at home, Zayn. Thank you for your concern." I would shout back, stumbling over my own feet as I brought my self to the top of the staircase, looking down at the silver hair he chose to adopt. 

"D'ya wanna eat something? I can make french toast." He'd asked, running a hand over his tired features. I'd simply nod in response, following him into the kitchen where the other lads would filter in one by one. Zayn would notice my distress and help me up to my room and talk to me separately before watching mindless hours of football and playing even more idiotic hours on their PlayStation. This all ended when he, as well as the other four, decided to marry and I was left alone in the house. Despite having a decent job of lecturing and managing my life financially, that empty spot remained as I lived on my own.

What made matters worse for me was that Gemma never seemed to be around anymore. After she had screamed at me for bringing her life to an all time low, I never heard from her again. It wasn't fair on her to think of me like this. I completely accepted fault for all of this and made sure I suffered for this. The bruises on my legs were battle wounds. Battles with her, battles with my own mind, battles with her girls. 

But my girls? My girls were always there for my support but they were becoming impatient due to my lack of awareness. They thought I was blind to their suffering but I saw clearly how they shivered in the cold, how they blamed their family for the place the were in. They were so fragile, like dolls. Alienor begged for me to take her home with me whenever I would see her. She complained how after twenty years, I chose not to do anything to benefit us, but that wasn't true. I cared about her. I was going to show her that I cared.

My phone constantly buzzed on the table beside the bed, causing me to reluctantly roll over, disturbing my insomnia and to see Gemma's name across the screen. Within a breath, I accepted the call and waited for a sound but there was nothing. Her heavy breathing started to become audible but there was no words, "Gem?" I whispered through the phone.

"Thank you Harry." She sighed, the volume of her voice mimicking mine. 

"I don't know what you're talking about." I frowned as she chuckled at my puzzled state.

"You don't need to. Just know I love you, thank you for everything." She sniffled, my heart began to race. I had never been so confused before. 

"Gem, what are you-" But I couldn't finish my sentence. I was cut off by her line causing me to cry out in fury. Jumping out of the bed, I pulled on whatever clothing I could find, grabbed my keys and scurried out of the door. I slammed the radio off in frustration and manically drove to her house. On a normal day where I'd be hurrying to her house, it would take half an hour to get there. But on this night with many cameras flashing as I drove past, I got their in painful ten minutes. Leaping out of the car, I slammed on her door repetitively, screaming her name but there was no response. I lifted the plant pots and found the key she had hidden before storming in and seeing something that I knew Gemma would do.

Swaying back and forth gently, she looked at me with sympathetic but lifeless eyes. She had done it. Something she had been planning for years, she had finally done it. I walked over to the kitchen to get anything sharp in order to cut into the rope and bring her down. The noose she had wrapped around her neck was perfect as I felt how she had broken her neck. Her limp head rested on my knees as my tears dampened her cheeks. 

My lips came against hers as I felt her soul leave for a moment. My two fingers lowered her eyelids, allowing this moment to be for her to sleep. It surprised me how I was so emotionless. It was like I knew, I knew this was going to come and nothing made me shocked. That scared me. The fear of knowing and the inevitable not being frightening anymore. I wanted to look after Gemma, though. That guilt would never leave my heart. Resting her body on the couch, I turned away and started to walk towards the telephone. I needed to pronounce her death. 

"Get Alienor and the others too. We all need your company." Her lips moved without any thought. Her voice was so clear in my mind that I thought it was my mind playing tricks on me. It had to be, she had just passed away. I closed my eyes and rubbed them over and over again before looking upon her lifeless body again. "What's wrong, Harry? Is reality too much to handle?"