Abused met Confused (dan howell and Phil lester phanfiction)

Chapter 4

Previously.....

Suddenly Dan looks up at me. "Are you an idiot? Why the bloody hell did you do that?" He cocks his head, searching my eyes for something. I just stare back blankly, confused.

He apparently can't find what hes looking for, so he just mutters 'sorry" before shrugging away his arm from the mine. He gives me one last, strange look, before running off, into the school building.

I saved him! Me, the kid who used to get bullied myself. And what do I get in return, nothing! not even a simple thanks!

And because that brown haired boy, fourth grades going to be hell.

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Dans P.O.V

For what feels like the millionth time in an hour, i mentally slap myself.  Hard.  What the fuck? Why did I just run off like that?  He was just trying to protect me, and without him I would be in peices as of late.  I realise suddenly that the reason I ran off is because I am furious.

First, I am furious at Phil.

Second, Im furious at myself.

Im furious at Phil because what he did, while brave, is going to be the death of him. Jake and James wont let this keep going, they are going to realise Phil is just playing tough as much as im playing straight.  Which if you couldn't tell by now, is not very well.

Im furious at myself for letting this happen. I shouldnt have tried to talk or befriend Phil. I should have just picked a different seat. There is so much i could have done to prevent this from even happening, so many 'what ifs' that, being me, will ponder over until I cant take it anymore and eventuallly cut myself to calm down.  The correct term is Anxiety i suppose, but really its just me being an idiot who cant let go of things. Phil doesnt deserve to be hurt and in the end anything that happens to him is all myy fault. He probably hates me now anyway, considering he saved my ass back there and i walked away like a complete douche.

And it doesnt help that he is so cute.

With other people I mught be able to shrug it off, ignore them until they finnaly realise im not worth their time and they leave my life.  But Phil is much more than just a person.  Even though I have just met him, he is the cutest little boy I have ever seen. His big blue eyes are the cutest and i just want to run my hand through his little fringe he has swept across his face.

And the fact that his face gave away no indication that what he did was because he actually cared for me instead of just doing what he thought he should do sticks me between a rock and a hard place.

I dont want to confront Phil because of the very likely possibility that he doesn't want anything to do with me. But i can't drop him because he stood up for me and i care for him, sexually or not.

You may be wondering why im not angry at the bullies. Well, I always think that the only reason they hurt me is because they are dealing with problems on their own.  For instance, I may not go to James' house any more, but I have to walk past his house to get to mine, and I have seen on multiple occasions his mother crying in the kitchen.  I would never hold that against him, because I don't even think he knows.  And I could never hurt someone like that.

I look at the tall building towering over me, waiting for me to step in so it can swallow me whole. I take a deep breath before walking inside.

The school I go to is very large and very old, so there are a lot of hallways to get lost in. The ceiling is extremely tall, and I look up. Sky lights have been added in because the dark panel walls hold no windows. I walk quickly to the locker that has already been picked out yesterday for me. The closer I get to it, I start to realise that their is something spray painted on it.