Have you ever felt like you just wish that the pain would stop, but then it just disappears but after that you feel nothing not anger or happy or sad. I am starting to feel more and more like this everyday the worse that Mad gets, the worse that I get. I can't handle seeing my best friend be hurt like that and I can't stand having my life at home be a living hell on top of all of that it is just shit. Why can she see that I'm in pain, but she doesn't see that I am being pulled down deeper and deeper. I am getting good at not showing it but I am not sure that that is a good thing. People always say that the worst thing you can do is bottle up your feelings, I think that it's just because you are getting one step closer to shutting down. I wish that one someone would look at me and say 'You're not okay at all.' Except for the fact that people can't see that in someone till they have felt it themselves. I really want to stop hurting but I just can't as heard as I try. People think that when you are cutting you would be crying and hyperventilating but that's just not true it is one of the most calm moments in life. After its all said and done that is when you start to cry again.
***
I can feel the sharp taring pain of the blade digging into my thigh. I pull it across nice and slow then take the blade off my skin. The blood doesn't start for like a seconds, then when it starts its dripping down the side of my lag. As fast as I can I grab the toilet paper and push down on the cuts as hard as I can to stop the bleeding. A sharp ringing brakes threw my recovery, my phone is blaring looking at the screen I see that the number is Mad.
"Hello" I say trying to calm myself down
"I need you I'm not okay not even a little!" She cries into the phone
"Just breath i will be there in 10! I have to go, breath and you will be okay don't do anything else PLEASE!" Trying to calm her down I let her go telling her I love her. I grab the goss and the medical tape, pushing the goss to my leg and tape it down.
***
When Mads house stands right in front of me, I open the door and find her sitting cross legged on the ground she is fine now playing mario cart. Sitting down beside her, she hands me a controler. I find out later that her mom had hit her but she was not hurt at all, at least physically.
"So I here there is a party at Paul's house later. You wanna maybe go?" She asks quietly her cheeks going red with worry. She looks at me her eyes big and wide staring at me with wonder. We often go out together and have fun.
"Yea sour what time is it?" excitement rushing through me!
"I don't know but he invited us for dinner and a party, dinner is at 6."
"Okay, then we should probably get ready. If you want we don't have to?" I say it as a question.
***
About half an hour later we are ready. I am wearing black skinny jeans, a white tank top with a leather jacket and leather boots to top it all off. Mad is in a pair of leggings, a t-shirt with some boots and a jean jacket. Holding hands we walk down to Paul's house 30 fucking minutes away. I'm just saying that is a lot of walking.
When we get to Paul's the door is unlocked we walk right in not knocking cuz that is just not what we do, AT ALL.
"Now how are my amazing besties?" he asks enthusiastic as hell, his mom at the stove cooking something that smells like spaghetti.
"Great how are you." Mad exclaimed giving him a side hug. Being the weirdo I am, I run over to his mom Kelly and hug her from behind. She brings the spoon that she is using to stir the sauce up to my mouth so I can taste it.
YOU ARE READING
Carves Up Arms
RandomA young girl named Daine was put in a situation that she couldn't get out of. She does her best to handle it herself but it is harder than she thought it would be. What would you do if you held the fate of someone you love's life in your hands?
