Twins

Is it worth it?

The twins finished their breakfast.  I immediately finished my last three bites just to not get left at the table. We ate in silence.  They didn't answer my inquiries. I was left on my on thoughts.

You see, I grew up in a world where men and boys are my validation of what looks good and not. 
I grew up with boys so everything that I do...  I wear, how I look, I depend on their point of view. I have no real woman figure in my life since my mother died early. 
When I started to get out of my comfort zone, I started meeting girls.  It was the worst. 
Every girl are like "no guy will like you"  and somehow I grew accustomed on believing them because every boy that I get close to becomes theirs. 

So, that's that for my constantly low self esteem.  Plus the boys that I confide in and some of the guys that I liked told me blatantly that THEY NEVER saw me as a woman. they would also tell me what a woman is and compare me.  Then conclude that basically, I am just a female.  Person with vagina and small mammary glands.  Well.  THAT'S THEIR FAULT. They made me like this. 
They made me fit to what they want.  Which is their sister, their maid, their caretaker etc. Not exactly, but you get the point, yeah?  

So meeting the twins isn't comfortable at all.  I feel like I'm in a constant push and pull of getting comfortable with them. I want to, but I feel like I'm just another no-gender person. And I don't want to like them in a way that it will be difficult from me to detach.  

'Come on, come on! Let's get out of here!"  Ivan said running towards where to pool is.  Navi followed suit. Both are wearing trunks.  When I didn't move, Navi went back and stared at me.  
"What?"  I asked.
"Well? Aren't you going to enjoy the pool?  That's the point of this right? Bring your camera!" He said, and went on his way. Didn't even give me a time to react. 
I went in the bedroom to change. 
I've got no sexy bathing suit.  But I have a full body short sleeved suit.  

I went to the pool, I brought the waterproof camera. Made sure that it's memory card is clean and walked to the edge of the pool. I captured the scenery first.
I saw the twins racing from one end to the other. They are good swimmers.
This is peculiar. How the hell did I deserve to be able to know this secret and this two wonderful creatures.
"Do you want to visit the beach? We have our own way down there." Ivan called out to me.
Down there? Isn't it public?
"Don't worry. We own the place, we have our own area. I don't like people anyway." He continued. Navi snickered and climbed out of the pool. Both of them soaking wet and had to walk like penguins. I giggled at the sight, and they both gave me a confused look. I shook my head and walked pass by them.
Then I remembered that I don't know the way so I stopped and checked the camera.
"You need to braid your hair.  Your bun with not hold the waters.  It will keep on falling if you don't want to let it fall, Rapunzel."  Ivan said as he passed by me. Navi stopped beside me. 
"Want me to braid it?" He asked. 
He knows how to braid hair?  Is he gay or what?
"Not because I know how to braid means I'm gay.  It's just that, a woman's hair is quite an addiction to me.  So I tried to learn through some girls that I meet."  he explained.
"I thought you don't date." I snickered. 
"Is dating the only way to meet women?" he said with a smirk. "I met you because of a computer problem." 
Well that makes sense. 
"So after this, what do you want to do?  Do you have any plans?" Navi asked as we started to walk and follow, Ivan. 
I shook my head. "I just want to take photos. Eat, sleep." 
"Well, it's your vacation."  He said, shrugging.   
When we reach the beach, I quickly took some photos.  It felt as if it's too special to be here. It's like a secret paradise that one ever knows.  Except for this two. 

They immediately went to waters.  I, on the other hand, wasted my time taking pictures.  
After a few minutes of roaming around the beach, I wade in the waters.  Capturing few things on the water. 
I walked further down, until the water is at my knees.  I heard the laughter of the twins.  I couldn't help but smile.  I may not know a lot about them, but from what I see, they are great people who's been a victim of a cruel world.  Seeing them this happy is a privilege. I took a photo when the waters reached their thighs.  

Ivan's abs are quite more defined than Navi's.  Why did I even noticed that?
"Like what you see?" Ivan said, startling me.  I looked up and saw that they are standing too close to me.  Hovering, looking at what I'm looking at. 
"Nice shot! We should pose for you more. Want that?" Navi said. 
I only nodded.  Is this safe to call sexual tension? Because being in the middle of them seems so sexual...  and taboo. 
Navi and Ivan suddenly grabbed my arms.  I knew what was going to happen, but before I can react even react, they have dragged me underwater. 
Thankfully I was able to breathe in before I was submerged. 
When we emerged, I gasp so loud. 
"Oh shit, don't do that." I heard Ivan whisper.  Both of them were too close to me. I suddenly remembered the camera.  When I raised my hands, it was still there. That is a great relief.  
"Worried?" Navi asked. 
"Camera, thought I lost it. You guys are crazy! Why did you even do that?" I said in a beat. Half shouting. 
"We'll take that as a compliment. Just enjoy swimming and take pictures."  Ivan said, his face mirrored the same happiness as Navi's.  
"Why do I get this feeling that this happiness of the two of you seems to be a rare occurrence?"  I spoke out loud. They looked at me, smiles barely fading.
"Because it is." Navi confessed. Ok, that's quite...  
"We never get to enjoy our own luxury, to be honest."  Ivan added. 
"W--- never mind, I get it."  I was just about to ask why, but judging from the facts that I have already learned, it's really quite hard to enjoy this...  specially together as brothers. 
"I'm glad to see it.  You deserve this."
"And so do you." Navi said, his warm smile reached his eyes. I turned to look Ivan, who was wearing the same smile. I smiled back. 

The both of them started to swim away.  I followed them.  Since we were just on the shallow parts, I took photos of the deep parts that I can reach.  Which showed this incredible coral reefs.  It was underwater paradise. 
Navi and Ivan would also take turns on taking my pictures... and they want to be on some of it too. 
They would share some stories about themselves and ask me questions, which I was happy to answer. It was a great day. It's was only 10 in the morning we decided to head back to the penthouse. 

"What do you want to do? Do you want to go out? Ivan should go with you." Navi asked as he toweled himself dry.  
"Why only-- oh. Yeah right.  I keep on forgetting."  I said as I was drying my hair with a towel. 
Ivan sat beside me.  
"I was thinking...  I'm just going to hang out here, with both of you.  I feel kind of sad to leave one behind.  Anyway, it will be just as the same as my original plan if the two of you didn't show up. 
And if I was in a different place.  Plus you two needs a bonding time.  If I go out with one of you, then I'll be taking away time you two should have." I said. Thinking that they'll be seeing me like how the others see me, so what the hell if I ever like one...  or both of them. 
The two of them smiled at me.  
"That's sweet of you.  Thank you."  Navi said. 
"What do you think should we do?" he asked. 
"I know!"  Ivan said with a raised hand.  I giggled at him.  
"You're such a kid." I commented. 
He playfully snarled at me then said. "Truth or dare! While we have lunch! 
My eyes grew wide. 
"What do you say, Lin? You up to it? May I call you Lin?" Navi asked. 
I just nodded, but I'm nervous.  I should stick with Truths just to avoid physical contact? I'm being paranoid, right? They wouldn't have their way to me this way, right? Why do I keep worrying about these?