Away From Home ©

As Time Went On

     For the longest time I thought I was a murder. I believed that my sister had died at my hands, of course this takes a serious toll on how a child looks at the world. Since my father had left me and Momma moved away, leaving me with my aunt I felt rather unloved, and not wanted. I was a depressed child for the longest time. I still am for the most part, even though I try to see the joy in life.
     Momma had remarried a convicted child molester. No I don't recall him ever doing anything to me physically, but like most things in my childhood it could've been and still be blocked. We lived in Illinois at the time, close to an elementary school where I had attended. One day I came home, police looking at me suspiciously as if they thought he'd done things to me. We were told he was to close to the school so we had to move away. Momma took us to Texas, and he stayed behind with his parents. While in Texas he cheated and fell out of love with Momma. They divorced and I was left fatherless again. By now dark black rings had begun appearing around my eyes, from sleepless tear filled nights and my lack of iron, see I am anemic, but Momma forgot my pills.
My health was deteriorating rapidly, as I didn't want to eat very much so I became thin and pale. My teachers worried about me calling my home and pulling me out of class to see if I was alright. I'd tell them everything was fine, smile, laugh and carry on. In truth though I was angry at the life I was given. I was angry that there wasn't a thing I could do to bring my beloved sister back, I had even prayed to God to let me take her place, but God doesn't want me, I wasn't worth his time either.
Momma remarried again a few years later, he seemed nice at first. Although he jumped into a world unfamiliar to him, now a step father to two teens and a older child, who didn't care for him. Mom had also taken in her sister and her family. Our small three bed room house was split between twelve people, hamsters, and dogs. After a few months or years of living like this Momma couldn't do it no more and gave her sister a deadline to move out by. Before I knew it they were gone and I was sharing a room with Momma's other sister who had moved in a little while before they had moved out.
Everything seemed to be going perfectly, until money got tight and Step Dad wanted kids of his own, only Momma's tubes were tied so that made it practically impossible. Then they found out there was a surgeon Dr.Levine who could untie them and has had a high success rate of his patients getting pregnant after their surgeries. So Momma and Step Dad went to Kentucky,  got the surgery done, and as soon as they were told it was ok to start trying, Momma got pregnant. We were all over joyed.