A Walk

All Fun Ends

The girl held my hand with all the confidence in the world. Looking up at me ever so often in affection and admiration. She must think that stupid water thing magically healed me or something, I muse to myself as I shoot her a weak grin. 

Kay pipes up, "Where are we going?" 

"To see your brother little one."

"Oh, right." she nods.

I look down at the girl again, the top of her blonde head shimmers in the light. Her childlike face glows with life, cheeks rosy, lips full. She is the picture of the golden child I've always wanted to be. Can't help but feel sorry, I mean her whole world is about to crash down around that perfect child's feet. I bet you don't even understand the word death or grief yet.......

Wait, what am I doing? I stop my thoughts and shake my head vigorously, where did these thoughts come from. So caring and ughh empathetic, I shudder and Kay looks up at me, "You cold Av,"

I smirk at the pet name, but answer with a voice dripping with sweet syrupy affection, "The breeze just got to me."

Kay nods again.

There it is. The clearing. And there is the man of the hour. Slumped over and gorgeously still.     "ALEX!" Kay calls. When the figure doesn't respond she turns to me. A look of confusion and a hint of worry is in her expression. Taking this in I know it's all going just perfect. I pull my hand from hers letting my fingers slide across her palm. I let the smile that I've been holding ready deep in my stomach creep up and spread itself across my face and then I shrug. Puzzled from my reaction Kay turns back to Alex, who still is unresponsive, I hold back a giggle. Kay takes in a big breath and cupping her hand around her mouth bellows, "AAAAAALLLLLEEEEEEEXXX!" Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I bite my tongue forcing the giggle that wants to escape back down.

Obviously worried Kay looks back at me, I shrug again. Hesitantly she takes one step in my direction and then cocks her head to the side as if she's asking permission. I wave my hands shooing her. She puts her foot down slowly in the direction of Alex and then shoots off. Running she's running.....A giggle escapes and I let it. She can't hear me now. Hooking my fingers into the waistband of my shorts I slowly slink over towards her.

And then I hear it.....music to my ears.

A wail, no a scream. It's raw, scraping like nails on a chalkboard through the air. Forcing everything it touches to feel its pain, its suffering. And I love it. I close my eyes and let myself be consumed in it. Raw emotion is hitting me through the sound. This, this is why I do it. There isn't another emotion in the world as powerful as grief. And certainly not another as empowering.

The screams haven't subsided, but I decide to make my approach. Slowly relishing each step. The soft mud in the creek bed makes a satisfying squelsh with every footstep. Finally, I am there beside her. She's yanked him out of the water. Cradling his dripping head in her lap. Her face is covered by the wall of blonde hair, but you can see the river of tears flowing down, falling on Alex's still chest. Her screams are deafening, but beautiful, hypnotic almost. I cock my head to the side and reach my hand out. It brushes the curtain of hair, once, twice, and on the third it pulls it away.

Kay's head jerks up at my touch. When she does I reach out again and run a hand down her cheek catching and damming the river of tears. I smile and whisper, "What's wrong little bit?"

Her red eyes widen in disbelief and pain, "My my brother.... loo--" she doesn't make it through the phrase and begins to scream again.

I look down at Alex. What little color that was left when I had first killed him was gone. You could see the purple veins that spider webbed across his skin. It was almost like he was a cracked piece of glass. I laugh at that and again Kay stops screaming. Anger flashes across her face, pain fueling it. "Why are you laughing, my brother....." she again stops and her head drops to hide behind the curtain. 

The child is so small. Her whole body convulses with each sob. It's like she is collapsing in on herself. You killed her brother. Her older brother. Her guide, her one rock that keeps her safe and secure. She trusts you......murderer. "NO!" I shout stopping the flow of thoughts. Kay ignores the outburst sobbing still. 

Murderer, murderer, murderer..... over and over the voice chants going stronger each time. "NO, no, no....!" I scream in protest desperately trying to get the voice to stop. 

Louder screaming in my head: MURDERER, MURDERER, MURDERER!!! 

I fall to my knees, the voice is crushing me. Suffocating me......

I can't see I can only hear its cruel catcall louder and louder.......

My breathing is coming in short burst my heart racing. My vision blurring.....  I can't lose control.

MURDERER, MURDERER, MURDERER!!! The voice feels like its splitting my skull open, I feel my grip on reality begin to slip...

"NO!" my voice sounding strangled screams.

I fall from knees to my back..... the screams in my head I can't stop them, please stop them, just stop them.

It's over.........