On A Night Like This

Untitled Part 1

I, Angeline Harding, being of sound body and sound mind put this account to paper on this, the 14th day of February, 2016. Oh, you think it's not that bad? You think I'm being overdramatic? Ha! Yeah, just wait until I tell you how my Valentine's Day dinner date actually went! Oh, I didn't get stood up tonight. No, no... he showed up. In retrospect I really wish he'd stood me up. But the jackass had the 'decency' to show. That's just my luck. I don't know what it is, but I have the absolute worst luck with men. Maybe I'm a lesbian and it's a secret to everyone, even to me. Does that happen?! Can you be a lesbian and not know it?! Why am I even asking that question? Pretty sure that proves I'm not a lesbian.

Whatever, anyway, so I tried yet another one of those online dating sites again, hoping against all logic and past experience that maybe- just maybe- this time I'd actually meet someone. I mean, I'm 34 and I'm still single. And lonely. Not just single, but lonely, too, which blows when all your friends are married and have babies. I want to get married... I want to have babies... So I got matched with this guy, Connor, who's in finance or something and we talked online for over a week. Then he asked me to meet him for dinner, on Valentine's Day, at the fanciest restaurant in Seattle. Do men usually take women to really fancy places on a first date? I don't actually know, but I figured he seemed nice enough and I liked how our conversations had been going. And it's in public, so if he tried anything, I should be relatively safe, right? Plus, I really didn't want to spend yet another Valentine's Day, alone, laying on my couch in my pajamas and watching Katherine Heigl rom-coms with a tub of salted caramel ice cream...

I spent hours on my dress and my hair and makeup... it was a fancy place, so that meant fancy clothes, right? I'd bought a new dress just for the occasion; black, ankle length, just tight enough to emphasize my curves, but not so tight as to scream desperation. Dude, I was hot. I mean, I don't want to be vain or anything, but with all that effort put into it, I was really happy with the end result! I hated to admit it, but I was super nervous. Any and every online or blind date I'd ever been on before had ended in a complete and total disaster! Either the guy was a no show, or he'd be a major ass, or only talk about himself all night, or want to immediately go back to his place or my place... or his car, or one time, the guy was actually married and his wife showed up partway through dinner, called me a homewrecking slut, and dragged him out of the restaurant behind her! I told you, man, bad karma or something! I really pissed someone off in a past life and my love life is suffering for it in this one.

Even with all that bad history, I was hoping for better luck this time. I got in a cab and went to the restaurant, but I felt a knot forming in my stomach. I made sure to get there a few minutes early so I could have a drink at the bar first; ya know, calm the ol' nerves just a bit. So, there I was at the bar, sipping a vodka martini, when in he walks. I say a silent prayer of thanks as I notice with more than just a little gratitude that he actually looks like his profile picture! Score one for honesty! He walks over to me with a definite swagger and stops about a foot from me. When I think about it now, that swagger should have been an omen and I should have just bolted.

"Hi, Angeline?" His voice is deep and full and I can't help but to notice that this guy looks and sounds a little like John Hamm. He holds his hand out to me and leaves it waiting in the dead space between our bodies. I gave him a small smile and took his hand, shaking smoothly.

"Hey, Connor. It's so nice to actually meet you," I say. He smiles back and me, but it doesn't seem to be a full 'I'm also pleased to meet you' smile. No, this one is a bit more... judgy?

"Wow," he says slowly, staring at me, "I didn't realize you'd be wearing so much makeup... I mean, I'd love to tell you that you look beautiful tonight, but I can't tell what you really look like under all that war paint!" He gives a little chuckle, as if it was just a joke, but I felt my eyes go round and I stared back at him shocked.