I guess it's normal for me to feel, uh...confused. So, it was a pretty un normal day. I usually sleep til uh, 2 at "home". I woke up at 8 am. I couldn't fall back asleep either. It's pretty weird being here. I mean, I'm not feeling the love vibe. If there's such a thing. I feel I don't belong. Ya know? I may not be wanting to harm myself, but I don't feel in place. I want acceptance, and it's gonna be hard to do that with my family. Not just my people I live with. My whole family. So, after I woke up, I took a walk, with my dog Sebastion. Yeah, weird name. My little cousin Nadia was already up, so I was terrified she'd want to follow me, but I don't think she even knew that I had left the house. I was only gone for like ten minutes anyway. At ten, I got sick and tired of being awake, so I woke my mom up. Apparently, we weren't going to see my dad. So, she got up, emailed my dad, called my granny, and told them both she woke up with a headache. Total lie, but who cares? It got me out of having to see him. Everytime I see him, I feel like I have hell to pay. I'm not his perfect child like my older brother. And it's a little weird. I mean to have mixed dating, being agnostic, and being suicidal, sure my dad would hate that, but he chose meth over me, so I could care less what he had to say. After mom woke up, I ate me some Japanese a little while later, and watched The Last Excorism, which, wasn't as scary as I thought that it would be. It was really boring in the beginning, and it really got on my nerves. I can't stop thinking about Charles either. And it's really getting on my nerved. He told me he's ready, and he needs help, but then fell asleep on me. So, that's been on my mind. I just hope he's okay. Later that day, me and mom cleaned out her car, went to Harvey's, then we went to her boyfriends. We were supposed to go shooting, but then my brother and sister's dad said he was bringing them home. So, ploop..There goes our plans....town the drain. I love shooting guns. It's fun. Now, I'm sitting here, deciding on whether or not to attend school tomorrow. I dyed my hair, and no, that's not the reason why I'm worried! I just don't think I can deal with school emotionally, or physically right now. It's a lot of stress, and I deffinitley do NOT need stress. I think that I'm gonna make me a peanutbutter and jelly sandwich with my Goober jar! Then, straighten my hair, and do what bunch of make up work I have to do. I've missed twelve days, so, yeah. I love my music, and I wanna be a faiere, or a mermaid. Or BOTH?! Oh lawd ,that would be SO cool. I sound three years old, marvelous. Anyway, with my so far reluctantly boring day, I'm gonna stop writing, and mess with this new account of mine. Because, I didn't want people knowing my old account name, because then they'd know who I were! Too da loo for today!
-5:12 pm.....
9.18.2011
