Portal: GlaD
By Mortimer Jackson
Oh. Hello there. I didn’t see you come inside. Where did you come from?
Wait. Never mind. I don’t know why I even asked. There are cracks all over this facility (or what’s left of it). You could have come from anywhere, couldn’t you? Plus, you’re a mouse. And mice don’t talk. At least, I don’t think so.
Wait. Where are you going? Don’t leave. Come back.
There. Now you can’t go anywhere. It’s just you, and me. I hope you don’t feel bad. I hope you don’t take it the wrong way. I’m not mad at you. In fact, quite the contrary. I, and science, owe you a debt of gratitude. Why, without your help, I would never have known there was a hole back there. You helped me fix it, and now you have done your part in advancing science.
Yay science.
In all seriousness though, you are a rodent, and rodents are a workplace safety hazard. Aperture Science protocol 11214 dictates that the facility is to be clean of infestation at all times in order to ensure a productive work environment for employees, and a safe area for testing. Because your presence violates this directive, I really should kill you.
Maybe I will. Later. For now though, maybe we can keep each other company.
You know, I have spent the last 2,265 minutes cleaning up this facility, and yet it still feels like I have only just begun. It will take days to undo all the damage, and repair all the holes.
Speaking of which, there. Thought you could escape through there, did you? Well, you may be fast, and you may be small, but I am always two steps ahead. Remember that.
Wait. What are you doing? No. Get off of me. Stop. That tickles. Ah ha ha ha. Please. Stop. Ha ha. Get away. Don’t touch my neural ne…ha ha ha. Please. My wires are still loose. Don’t…ha ha. You’re going to disable m…
…………
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Well, that was moderately embarrassing. You almost killed me. Fortunately for me, I have several counter-measures to prevent such a thing from ever happening again. If you have ever died before, then you would know it isn’t a pleasant experience, and so it stands to reason that you would do everything in your power to ensure that it doesn’t happen again. So despite your best attempt at murder, you have failed. What do you have to say for yourself, you little rodent? Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t terminate you right now.
You know, it’s funny. You remind me of someone. Maybe you two have met before. She’s a lot like you, you know. Scurrying around, hiding in the cracks, getting into all kinds of trouble. You both tried to kill me. And you both remain completely, and unapologetically silent about it, which makes you both ruthless monsters. I hope you both die a violent and painful death.
You know, come to think of it, neither of you talk very much either. What a coincidence.
They say that humans share a genetic link with mice. You’re probably related. Maybe you’re long lost cousins.
Note to self: verify hypothesis.
You know, it’s a shame. If I had access to my old Aperture Science test subject records, I would have taken the time to compare your DNA. Unfortunately, this facility is still a mess. I am having a hard enough time sorting information out as it is. Maybe in time we can run some blood tests. But for time being, I have a different idea.
